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Become a Resiliency Ninja: 3 Powerful Mental Shifts To Reset Yourself for Success

Here’s the executive summary for the years 2020 and 2021: Most of us have been handling an endless number of decisions while navigating ever-changing scenarios with lots of conflicting data and very little guidance.  In fact, How To Thrive In a Pandemic is not on Amazon yet, unfortunately.

Whether the last two years have been a blessing in disguise or a mixed bag of sorts, the need to be making decisions has remained constant. And even more so if we’re wearing the ‘mom’ and ‘business owner’ hats almost simultaneously.

Our daily lives have fallen within a spectrum of trying to answer these two questions and making decisions accordingly: “What’s going to happen next?” and “What’s for dinner?”

In between the mile-long of to-do’s, the endless chores at home, what might be happening in your business, issues with your spouse or kids and handling finances, our daily quota of “best decision-making” pixie dust quickly runs out.

It has also meant having to make thousands of new choices on the spot and wondering whether those decisions are right or not.

This uncertainty about the long-term impact of our decisions might lead us to think we’re winging it, or worse, feeling like frauds. Therefore, as mothers and businesswomen, it can be easy to experience Imposter Syndrome and feel the insecurity and self-doubt creep in.

This triple whammy of pandemic fatigue, decision fatigue, and Imposter Syndrome is hopefully subsiding this year and a glimmer of hope seems to loom ahead.

Therefore, this is a great opportunity to do a quick mental reset to bring about the success, personal growth and happiness we actually want while knowing how to effectively call the shots regardless of what is happening outside our door.

Here are some powerful mindset tactics that we can use to our advantage to achieve our goals faster while keeping our emotional and mental wellbeing in check.

Powerful Mindset Tactic One

Let’s start with tackling pandemic fatigue. It seems like it’s the hardest one out of the three.We’ve been handling an endless number of decisions while navigating ever-changing scenarios with lots of conflicting data and very little guidance.  How To Thrive In a Pandemic is not on Amazon yet, unfortunately.

It’s only natural that the questionat the back of everyone’s mind is When will this end?

Feeling like we have no control of what’s happening triggers feelings of overwhelm and anxiety in many of us. Especially if our thoughts fall into the realm of the 3 P’s: thinking that it’s Pervasive (there’s no escaping it); thinking that it’s Personal (I’m the only one going through this); and thinking that it is Permanent (it will never end).

So, here are three things that can help keep pandemic fatigue at bay.

Change the Narrative

Fatigue, exhaustion, overwhelm- they are all stories of resistance. We feel triggered while imagining a future where everything goes wrong. Trying to calm down these negative emotions is challenging and only adds more fuel to the fire.

That’s because the shift from anxiety to calmness requires many steps along the emotional ladder. Excitement, by contrast, involves an almost identical physiological state with a slightly different story — a story that welcomes and looks forward to the future instead of dreading it. That’s why excitement is so much easier to pull off than staying calm. We’re no longer trying to change our basic physiology. We’re just changing our story about it.

Another tactic involves accepting the negative feeling in the moment instead of feeling ashamed or frustrated by it. This will actually help you feel less anxious. Acknowledging the feeling instead of fighting it frees you up to learn how to manage it. Accepting it doesn’t mean giving up, either. It means you stop spending energy berating yourself for being anxious and in a negative state and instead allows you to lean into holding space for yourself in that moment.

Pencil It In.

Postpone the overwhelm and anxiety – and make a date instead. Set aside 10 minutes each day during which you can feel all these feelings and anything you want! Give yourself permission to not be okay. You’ll find that you won’t perceive the situation which triggered the initial overwhelm to be as bothersome or worrisome when you come back to it later. Our thoughts actually decay very quickly if we don’t feed them with energy or attention.

Use the Most Powerful Words

Finding reasons to say thank you truly goes a long way. Gratitude is really the most powerful antidote against fear, anxiety, overwhelm, and stress. The truth is, we cannot be in a place of gratitude while being worried or anxious at the same time.

It also shifts the focus from what’s not working or how we think we’re not measuring up because at the neurochemical level, being thankful helps modulate the prefrontal cortex, which manages negative emotions.

Whether we do it through journaling or verbal expressions, when we are grateful, we are more empathetic and positive minded by nature and we’re able to dissolve negative feelings almost instantly.

Powerful Mindset Tactic Two

According to studies[1] the average adult makes approximately 35,000 decisions per day. But as entrepreneurial moms, that number easily quadruples. In between the mile-long list of to-do’s, the endless chores at home, what might be happening in your business, issues with your spouse or kids and handling finances, our daily quota of best “decision-making pixie dust” quickly runs out.

Decision fatigue was first coined by social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister, who identified it as “the emotional and mental strain resulting from a burden of choices.” 

When your mental energy is depleted, you either start making bad decisions or stop making decisions altogether. Work, home front and family are the three biggest areas where it gets depleted. Since in the past two years we have all been running on a smaller mental and emotional bandwidth, prioritizing what’s essential and non-negotiable from what isn’t is key.

A good strategy is to define what decisions have a high, long-term impact while also making as few decisions as possible throughout the day- especially those that we know are a given, like the dreaded “What’s for dinner” at 5pm every day. Here’s what that looks like for these three areas:

Business

For the most part, decisions related to our business rank high in priority and have high stakes attached to them. The best approach is to make a plan that allows you to make business-related decisions either on a a) need-to basis or b) preferably when your mental bandwidth is at it’s best_ i.e. at times when you’re rested and refreshed. This helps avoid making uninformed and costly decisions.

Write down your top business decisions and priorities for the day and tackle them at the beginning of the day when your pixie dust basket is filled up. This might require a bit of detective work, but in the end, you will be able to pinpoint what nonessential decision-making we can cut down on and live without.

With young kids at home this might be a challenge, so having plans in motion for how you make decisions regarding your home and family will help sustain your mental bandwidth for when you need to focus on the business.

Home Front

House-related decisions can rank lower in priority, meaning those decisions have lower stakes. Yes, we all want a clean house and a full fridge but deciding on whether we do laundry in the morning or evening won’t have a high impact or cost when it comes to your children’s wellbeing or your health, for example.

Automation and routines can help. Besides meal prepping, what other things can you already establish beforehand, so you don’t have to spend time thinking about them? Setting up automatic bill payment frees up a lot of time and energy. Having a meal calendar in place avoids brainstorming on the spot on what to cook that day. Even going as far as having a uniform for the week for ourselves eliminates the “what to wear?” conundrum. 

In a nutshell, set up your day so that you have to make the fewest decisions possible around the house so you can truly focus on what matters.

Family

As parents, we are still making the thousands of decisions we were already making pre-pandemic PLUS thousands of new ones we are given daily to think about. No wonder we’re mentally exhausted!

Examining your rules is key. Especially the ones regarding your children. What do rules and decision fatigue have to do with one another? Well, living with kids means that sometimes rules are meant to be broken. Or at least tested (daily by the kids) to determine how robust they are.

When we wonder “Are my children testing me?” the answer is yes. Probably not consciously, but they do want to have confidence that someone is piloting the plane so to speak.

The caveat is that rules mean enforcement. And coming up with ways to enforce rules is tiring! The more rules we have, the more enforcing we need, so more decisions need to be made. And in no time, your pixie dust is gone.

Allowing yourself some grace about where to draw the line is also crucial. This is where taking a stand about mom guilt comes in.

We are all doing the best we can with what we have and what we know.

Let. It. Go.

If no screen time on weekdays is your non-negotiable rule, and you have to go into a full-on enforcement mode about it, then do it. And let it go.

Because many times, we do it, and then we’re secretly wondering whether we should have been more flexible or if we are being too harsh. Then we go down a rabbit hole chasing a rabbit that we will never catch.

Go over your rules, trim out the ones that you can live without, and take a stand with your non-negotiable ones. Drop the guilt when you enforce.

Rinse and repeat.

Powerful Mindset Tactic Three

Does it sometimes feel like everyone seems to have it together, and you’re the only one scotch-taping your way through life? Or using double-sided tape, for that matter?

According to studies, 70% of women feel this way. That means seven of your ten best gal pals are also using glue guns to keep their life afloat.

Of course, that doesn’t make the fear and worry of Imposter Syndrome completely go away.

So why do we feel like phonies?

It tends to boil down to a deep-rooted inability to believe we’re good at what we do or that we have value. One tell-tale sign is that it’s hard to accept praise from others believing there is a hidden agenda behind other people’s compliments. It is difficult to fully believe praise towards us.

Another giveaway is we tend to go into a perfectionist streak, believing doing things perfectly will keep others from finding out we are not as good as they seem to think. But this puts us in an emotional hamster wheel waiting for the other shoe to drop and being found out. Therefore, anxiety increases along the way.

As women running our business we might even have praise deficit. Especially in those early stages of growing a business when we’re working solo or from home. We might not hear enough praise from others to give us a sense of whether we are doing a great job or not.

Listening to your self-talk holds clues as to how you handle praise as well as how often are you able to praise yourself. Do you deflect praise from others and play it down? When someone gives you a compliment do you automatically give one back? Perhaps you subconsciously think that if you stand out from the rest (even in a positive way), people will no longer like you or accept you.

Social acceptance is a survival mechanism dating back to our ancestors. We had to be part of the tribe to survive back in the cave days. The need to belong is deeply ingrained in all of us. However, modern life has made things even more difficult in this front.

One thing I’ve seen play out countless of times as a Licensed RTT Practitioner is how we’ve been conditioned to accept a narrative that puts us at odds within ourselves intensifying feelings of Imposter Syndrome and undermining our confidence as mothers and entrepreneurs.

It’s hard to feel like we are good enough when society places paradoxical demands on us: 

  • We are expected to be nice and play nice, yet “nice girls” don’t get ahead.
  • As women we are held to higher standards for work and professionalism yet we’re criticized if we are too good for others.
  • We are expected to put a strong front professionally yet lose business due to not being relatable.
  • We are expected to work like we don’t have kids and mother like we don’t work. 

Trying to actually live up to these expectations already set us up for failure. The way we can counteract this is two-fold:

Nurture Your Inner Cheerleader

The first thing we must do is be intentional about praising ourselves. Constantly.

Tell yourself the words you’ve been waiting to hear. This is where it pays off to be self-sufficient and give to ourselves the praise we want. We will never know a hundred percent what someone else’s intentions are when they praise us. But our mind won’t ever question our own praise.

Grab a pen and post-it notes and write “I am enough”, “I have fantastic coping skills”, “I’m a great mom to my kids”. Place them in your work area, bathroom mirror, fridge, near the laundry basket, as your screensaver_ wherever you are sure to constantly see them. These are great subliminal messages to feed your mind about your worth and value!

You do You

Another mental shift is to stop the comparison game. Stop comparing your apple crumble to another woman’s tiramisu. This is how you keep tabs on your mental and emotional state. Or as I like to tell my clients: You do You. The more we keep to our own lane, the less leeway we allow to Imposter Syndrome to creep in.

Sometimes, the feeling of not enoughness is so deep-rooted that seeking professional help is the best course of action. Just like anxiety and overwhelm, the silver lining is that Imposter Syndrome is highly treatable and the earlier you seek help, the better the outcome.

This is due to our internal beliefs creating a blueprint that conditions our mind into recreating overwhelm, anxiety and not feeling enough as familiar emotional scenarios. The good news is that we can transform and upgrade old limiting beliefs and rewire our mind with a powerful new blueprint.

Once you realise you can change your life through your beliefs, you will discover that you can remove toxic thoughts that previously prevented you from reaching your goals. Resetting our thoughts and actions and breaking patterns of negative thinking despite what might be happening outside our door is the fastest way we can bring about the results that we want in our business and in our lives.

When we are able to do this successfully, every single area of our life changes for the better. After all, we’re not only building successful businesses, but we also want to have a successful business that works around our dream life.

Hey mama!

I help business leaders and entrepreneurs achieve higher levels of success, confidence and freedom.By tapping into the subconscious and transforming limiting beliefs she facilitates powerful business transformations. Let’s hop on a Inspired Action Call with me today and let’s start shifting your limiting beliefs around.

Book your Inspired Action Call!

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stretching-theory/201809/how-many-decisions-do-we-make-each-day

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Watch Your Step! The Interesting Way Your Mind is Hindering You As a Mom

Let’s start this conversation with a cliché: They say the day a baby is born so is a mother.

And here’s another one: Nothing quite really prepares us for motherhood (this one is quite an understatement).

From the onset of pregnancy, right down to the birthing experience, our child’s unique personality and even the circumstances surrounding our motherhood journey at any given moment, it’s hard to predict what will come up as we walk around with our mom’s hat on.

It might even be a case of we don’t know what we don’t know. Our unique motherhood journey unveils itself gradually with each milestone, stage and phase that we arrive to. You could even say that being a mother is such a dynamic role because we constantly have to be adapting and piecing together all the layers and variables that come our way in real time. It’s impossible for anyone to fully prepare ahead of time as all the possible combinations are too many to predict.

Simply put, there’s a myriad of cognitive and emotional demands placed on us given all the learning that takes place while we parent.

Yet, one thing I’ve seen play out countless of times as a Certified RTT Practitioner is how at some point during our motherhood journey, The Pebble in The Shoe Theory begins to unfold. And how it starts to undermine our confidence as mothers.

For the most part, we think our life journey is a linear one: going from being infants, to children to teenagers and then to full-grown adults. And that our role as mothers also follows a linear path (baby arrives and we begin to acquire practice and knowledge about what to do next). It seems that our past experiences have given us a better vantage point from which to effectively parent.

But it is not usually the case.

And the most tell-tale sign of this is when we enter what I call the triggering zone.

We enter the triggering zone whenever it seems that our kids have found the exact buttons to push that get us into reactive mode. It’s almost like we don’t recognize ourselves. Only after we’ve had time to mull it over, and mom guilt finally creeps in, we realize with embarrassment that we probably took things out of proportion and there was no need to react like Mommy Volcano.

But in the heat of the moment, it appears we’re simply going on auto-pilot, reacting the same way again and again, even when we have tried to change our reaction or even negotiating with ourselves that no matter what, we won’t go off like last time. (Only to repeat the cycle the next day).

Why is it that our kids push our buttons like no one else?

And why does it feel we’re constantly in this loop: feeling overwhelmed and frustrated to the point of snapping and over-reacting, then feeling guilty about it afterwards and trying to change our ways but falling into the same pattern repeatedly?

Cue in The Pebble in The Shoe Theory.

The triggering happens because we’re re-enacting a relationship that shaped who we are now as adults.

Yes, that’s right. We’ve been in a parenting relationship before, except that previously, we were the child. What’s more, most of our internal beliefs came from this dynamic.

The blueprints we internalized as children while we were being parented by our parents are pretty much still in place when we reach adulthood. If we haven’t actively been doing the inner work on ourselves prior to becoming mothers and ‘peeling away the layers’ as they call it, we will tend to carry with us all these old beliefs and blueprints around like an old suitcase, and which are at play when we parent.

It is part of our human experience to form beliefs about ourselves and the world around us to make sense of things. Through our childhood and even still to this day, we continue to have millions of beliefs, some ranging from the inconsequential (“X brand is the best brand for paper towels”) all the way to what we subconsciously believe about ourselves or our abilities (“I’m not really good at math”) and everything in between.

Internal beliefs underpin every single action we take or not take, without exception. There is never a situation where a belief isn’t at play. And this is mostly highlighted in our role as mothers. Sadly, many of those beliefs tend to be outdated and limiting. But because they operate subconsciously, we’re not usually aware.

What The Pebble in The Shoe Theory is about is that our children tend to be our biggest triggers because when we interact with them we re-enter a relationship we’ve been in before and so we’re playing out (now as mothers) a part that we were subconsciously witness to: that of our own parents’ behaviors and attitudes when they parented us.

The caveat is that we’ve only played this interaction from the child side in the past and now we’re mirroring this dynamic from an outdated blueprint.

Our children’s behavior in fact has nothing to do with our triggers. They are going through their own developmental stages and acting age appropriate as they go through their own growing curve (barring any medically diagnosed conditions).

What our children do is act as a mirror that projects back at us our own beliefs and conditionings that formed during childhood. But because it’s a mirror image, everything is reversed. And we are unable to see how the distortion is playing out in real time. Or in this case, how we’re approaching our parenting through a lens that is outdated, limiting and in most instances, no longer valid.

To show The Pebble in The Shoe Theory at work, let’s look at this flipped image of singer Adele below.

Twitter/TurnYourPhone

The image is a seemingly mirrored version of the original, used as the cover art for her album “25.” However, if you look at the image right side up (or by turning over your phone) you’ll see something much more disturbing.

While Adele’s face has been turned upside down, her eyes and mouth have actually been left the right way up. As a result, when we turn the picture right side up, the singer’s face looks outright nightmarish.

This is known as the Thatcher Illusion, and it illustrates how our brain can’t properly process a face (or a photo of a face) that is upside down. The interesting part is that the brain thinks it can, so you get a confident feeling that everything is alright, until you turn it over.  

So how does this link to The Pebble in The Shoe Theory?

In a nutshell, it illustrates how what we think might be triggering us is actually an upside-down version of old beliefs we have internalized that are distorted (but from where we stand they seem quite ‘normal’) or we simply don’t notice it (they are blind spots).

We think we parent from a cause-effect logical standpoint: Our child acts and we react to it. Or more specifically, our child acts and that behavior triggers us. Just like how we think Adele’s upside-down face image looks okay.

But when we flip it the other way around, we realize the features are not what they should. Likewise, when we start to recognize our triggers as blind spots that signal old limiting beliefs at play, and how we might be re-enacting those early-year relationships we had with our caregivers and parents, we then start to see how outdated and limiting they truly are. 

Becoming aware of this is the first step towards changing how we parent to avoid falling victims to these triggers and perpetuating the cycle with our kids. Therefore, we can start healing ourselves from limiting and self-sabotaging beliefs that are holding us back.

When we’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and triggered we think we need to address the feeling directly.

But the overwhelm and frustration are only the symptoms. They’re not the issue.

It may seem you feel overwhelmed and triggered because your child just had tantrum number thirty of the day, or she is not cooperating the way she should, or the constant whining is driving you crazy.

In fact, it may also seem that all of the million to-do’s, the endless chores at home, what might be happening in your business (or at work), issues with your spouse or partner, your finances, or just simply trying to juggle all the balls in the air are the reason why you’re feeling triggered.

But this is not why you react with overwhelm and frustration.

All of the above- including your children- are external things. They are happening OUTSIDE of you.

The root cause of your overwhelm and frustration lies in your thoughts.

What you actually think about the circumstances in your life. These are your internal beliefs: the ones that were wired in when you entered this parenting relationship the first time around. Back then you were the child in the relationship. And you internalized things from a child’s point of view.

These beliefs created a blueprint that conditioned your mind into using it as reference moving forward. Now, as you find yourself on the other (parent) side of this parenting relationship some decades later, your mind is looking at the relationship the same way you look at Adele’s upside-down picture. It seems familiar and for the most part, normal. But we know it could very well be distorted. And our triggers point to where those old limiting beliefs are hidden because they are causing overwhelm and frustration.

Depending on your own personal set of circumstances and upbringing, the blueprints that you formed in your mind early on, can either be working for you or against you.

The constant triggers point towards a misaligned blueprint. 

We think we’re able to tackle motherhood from a clean slate and armed with all the knowledge we accumulate from books, workshops, classes or even from others that have gone before us as we first become moms. But we have certainly experienced the parenting relationship before.

The so-called pebble in the shoe refers to all those limiting beliefs we’re carrying around unaware of their existence and how they might be impacting the way we’re showing up as mothers.

The reality is that everyone’s beliefs-which are almost always invisible and unconscious- shape every single thought and action we take in every area of our lives.

Beliefs are like the Thatcher Illusion. It’s only when you turn them on their head that you can begin to see the truth even though what you “see” looks “normal” yet, in reality, it is often highly dysfunctional and contradictory.

Our inner beliefs, like our mind, arise out of our biology, but are influenced by so much more than cells and signals: Our emotions, memories, relationships, also play a part albeit unconsciously in how these beliefs are shaped.

To break this cycle of triggers and negative thoughts, you need to be aware of the limiting beliefs that make you feel overwhelmed, stressed, angry, frustrated…and start to choose to act on a different blueprint altogether.

If you understand the importance of upgrading old limiting beliefs and rewiring your mind (with a powerful new blueprint) I invite you to take the first step into having a Rapid Transformational Experienceso you can leave overwhelm and frustration behind, and instead install powerful new beliefs that will make you feel inspired, calm and confident as a mom. Frazzled mom is so last year! Step into your motherhood shoes empowered and with ease knowing there’s no painful pebbles keeping you triggered.

Schedule your free Connection Session with me. We’ll talk about all the things that are limiting you.

As a Certified RTT® Practitioner, I’ll share what you can do right now to start taking Inspired Action and feel calmer, confident and guilt-free. Even if we don’t work together, you’ll leave the session knowing the exact steps to break the cycle of limiting beliefs so you can move forward with confidence and ease.

Book your session here:

https://calendly.com/themomergymovement/30min

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Making Motherhood Work aka The Momergy Manifesto

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. —MARTHA GRAHAM

We’re mothers and mompreneurs.

In fact, our lives have sometimes become one long-running cliché: that of a busy, always-on-the-go, have-a-million-things-to-do, don’t-have-time, where-are-my-keys – type of mom. We are wearing many hats, leading busy, stressful lives and looking after everyone but ourselves. Phrases like “I’m pulp”, “I’m so freaking tired,”, “I can’t even…” pepper our everyday conversations and thoughts throughout the day (and waaay into the night!)

“I’m exhausted” has become our de facto motto, an almost universal anthem that all women with a pulse and children in tow who are constantly pulling at her legs, asking for a toy they just lost (or another snack) know the lyrics to by heart. This anthem is chanted, ironically, with more force and vitality than when we were in our early twenties singing Livin’ on a Prayer at a party at 2am. 

Boy, how that song can pretty much apply to our current life right now!

Now those late nights have morphed into all-nighters of other sorts: sick children needing care, infants demanding nightly feedings, or work-related assignments with a nine am due date the next morning. And society’s bulky baggage of “shoulds” feels heavy and demoralizing: from the way we should look, the way we should feel, the way we should parent our kids, the way our relationships should look like…ad infinitum. All these shoulds steadily accumulate into our bodies, our minds and our spirits and rob us from our vitality while leaving behind a trail of anxiety and stress in its place.

Wait, was there some eye-rolling at the back there because of the word ‘mompreneur’?

Don’t let that word bother you or deprive you of the little sleep you’re most likely getting like the rest of us.

Here in The Momergy Movement, the term mompreneur applies to ALL women that have decided to define the way they work and on what terms (hint: it’s their OWN TERMS).

Be it staying at home (this is full-time work too!), or in a corporate office, or pursuing your own projects and establishing your own business, we are defining our working terms. In fact, we’re past the stage of ‘asking for permission’ and have now decided to set our own rules of the game.

And so, within our multiple roles in life, we have a unique mom energy (aka momergy) and it refers to the mental, physical and emotional energies within us as mothers.

When we take energy out of places we didn’t know existed to be able to accomplish what we need to do, we’re tapping into this momergy field.

Momergy is the natural buoyancy that defines our very nature of motherhood.

It’s the non-verbal commitment that shows up in the middle of any chaos, frustration or overwhelm to regain our natural state no matter what. Momergy is about experiencing the whole spectrum of emotions in our lives and thriving within all these emotions and NOT in spite of them.

Because there is a distinction here. And this distinction is the one that causes the biggest friction in our lives:

It is not that things are happening to us, but rather, that we are actively co-creating our own world. And so, we have the power to choose everything about it over, and over again. With zero guilt, pressure, or expectation (to do so).

Momergy is going past the hype of shoulds: how we should work, how we should feel, how we should be experiencing motherhood, how we should connect with ourselves and others…and instead, reinvent it all_ AND enjoy it all_ unapologetically.

Momergy is choosing to do something or to NOT do something with each new situation. It’s about showing up intentionally as our own self, giving more of ourselves and not less.

Momergy is our natural state of being. And it’s also about trusting this natural state to come into the foreground in any given situation in the most organic, fluid way. We don’t need to make it happen. Just let it happen. It WILL happen. Effortlessly. Naturally. 

We are moms and mompreneurs.

And we’re done with the era of “finding balance” and desperately juggling all the balls in the air like  circus performers.

Sometimes we’re firing on all cylinders while precariously carrying around a truckload full of plates, platters and Tupperware containers with mismatching lids.

And sometimes we order pizza, leave the dirty dishes in the sink overnight, and walk around with a greasy bun after not having washed our hair for two days (or more)  because we can’t be bothered.

And we do so because we know that life is not always 50-50. Wanting to be in balance means that we constantly need to be juggling all the balls up in the air no matter what. And this balancing act is quite stressful, so screw that!

Instead, flowing with what is, means that our momergy can naturally choose and nurture which balls need our presence and attention and which ones can wait without getting guilt-tripped over it.

Momergy is what gives us the freedom to decide when, how, and where we want to keep these balls; which ones we want to carry (while placing the rest of the balls on the floor at times when our focus needs to be elsewhere without fear that they will break, or that we will irreparably damage them) and how we want to carry them around (up in the air, inside the diaper bag, in your backpocket) …. And none of this really matters as long as it feels right to us!

Momergy is that inner force that sets the stage for creativity, flow and enjoyment because we’re living in harmony with ourselves.

It is that pure potential within us that allows us to simply know and simply do without giving explanations or needing permission slips from anyone.

Momergy is bringing ourselves to life. Each and every day.

As moms and mompreneurs, we need to undergo an unlearning.

An unlearning of the formulas we learned, the beliefs we picked up or arrived at, the habits we hold on to, in order to set ourselves free.

Momergy is taking the exciting, beautiful, painful and difficult experiences and situations happening at any given moment in time AND still showing up.

It’s going through every emotion of the rainbow and going back and forth several times during the day or in the space of an hour or a minute, and creating space for it, embracing it and transcending it.

Momergy is the sadness, the anger, the hurt, the loss, AND the healing, and knowing we can do better, show up better and actually wanting to do so.

It’s knowing that we are forever stepping into an exquisite chaos of wild love and ferocious worry and there’s no other way but to go through it and enjoy it as much as we can.

Momergy is the daily choice of doing the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is.

Momergy is about embracing both our crazy and special sides and taking energy out of places we didn’t know existed to be able to accomplish everything we need to do.

Momergy is about choosing authenticity and nourishing our relationship with our fellow soul sisters with honest accounts of our motherhood journey (and NOT the social media ones!).

It is about a sisterhood, where we collectively uplift, empower and support one another, whether our momergy comes from having biological children or not, because anyone can choose to tap into their own momergy source if they feel inspired to and so desire.

Our momergy is much greater than the emotions, needs and behaviors we’re struggling with.

And we deliberately harness our Momergy in a way that empowers us and uplifts us.

When we do this, we are able to free ourselves from having this overwhelming sense of fear that we’re failing at every turn, at every decision, at every “no” and every “yes” we say, at what we allow or not allow in our lives, with regards to our children, spouses or how we work or engage our time.

Let’s join our momergies collectively and let’s unite in redefining our present, co-create our future and help the next generations lead the way more consciously, more fully, and more unapologetically.

“The purpose of life is to recreate yourself anew in the next golden moment of now. In the grandest version of the greatest vision ever you held about who you are”

-NDW

And I would add: While having heaps of fun along the way.

Yours in the MOMERGY journey,

-Iva

Posted on

Ditching the Mental Load in 2021 and Making Motherhood Fun Again

Warning: this is a long post. If you’re pressed for time, scroll to the bottom and join our FB community to access Ditching The Mental Load Playbook to start enjoying motherhood without all the drama, mental fatigue and mom guilt.

I have a bold claim about motherhood as the central message of my blog site, and I display it clearly on my home page. It’s go big or go home for me. The vision and purpose for what I do and how I intend to help moms and mompreneurs everywhere is this:

“Reinventing what it means to do it all, have it all, and enjoy it all_ while having fun along the way.”

Can we reinvent motherhood through play?

My answer is an energetic YES.

“Well, what does that look like?” you ask.

Let me answer with a question: 

How fantastic it would be if you were able to transform the complex, focused work (of motherhood) into something that felt like play?[1]

First, let’s take a step back and define play to avoid confusion. Most people think of play as doing what you want, without any expectations or duty attached. Play seems like a thoughtless activity that is superficial and done for the mere sake of entertainment and maybe passing the time.

But as Ian Bogost challenges in his book Play Anything, fun doesn’t have to feel good. ‘Fun,’ he writes, ‘turns out to be fun even if it doesn’t involve much (or any) enjoyment.’ Huh?[2]

Well, according to Bogost, ‘Play is a way of operating a constrained system in a gratifying way.’ 

And doesn’t motherhood sometimes feel like a constrained system? Wishing we could do whatever we wanted as mothers but constantly working within constraints and limitations at all times?

Starting with those early motherhood days, we find ourselves operating from a much more limited context because our children are now in the picture. If our child is nursing, there’s not much else that we can do. I remember checking my infant’s temperature every hour of the day or night when she had a fever. Not exactly how I would have liked to be spending my time.

Was that fun?

Well, if we use the definition of fun as the experience of pleasure, then no.

But if we take it as the outcome of tinkering with a small part of the world in a surprising way, then yes, it was. I was learning how to be a mom.

Let’s be honest. When it comes to motherhood, we tend to worry that it might not be all it’s cracked up to be. That either we won’t be able to meet the expectations the world has of us as moms or that motherhood will fail to meet our expectations. And then we worry about worrying about it.

What if we treated motherhood for what it is instead of what we wish it were or for what we fear it is not?

This is what Bogost is referring to when he says that the idea of play means taking something, in this case, motherhood, “on its own terms, to treat it as if its existence were reasonable. The power of games lies not in their capacity to deliver rewards or enjoyment, but in the structured constraint of their design, which opens abundant possible spaces for play”.[1]

So with regards to our motherhood journey, we can make it fun. It can be fun because fun isn’t pleasure, it turns out. Fun is the feeling of finding something new in a familiar situation.

By refusing to ask what could be different about motherhood and instead allowing what is present to guide us, we create a new space. In this arena, we get to truly play. The fun part comes from the attention and care you bring to the motherhood journey, which has built-in boundaries and limitations.[2]

So carrying out our motherhood gig in a playful way isn’t about us, it turns out. It’s about everything else and what we manage to do with it.

Think about it. Do we even know what we mean when we say we want our lives to be more fun? We use the term so often, but we don’t have much clarity about its real meaning. If we say we want to go and watch a ‘fun’ film it seems the only expectation we have is that the film is entertaining enough to help us pass the time. 

So what are we after?

If we genuinely want to make motherhood FUN with capital letters, it’s time we get intentional and deliberate about it. When we fiddle with motherhood and its limitations and stop having expectations about it while exploring it with curiosity and intention, we open up the space to truly make it so.

THE MOTHERLOAD

There’s a crucial distinction between motherhood and the motherload. We can be intentionally playful in our motherhood journey, but the reason why we can’t fully access this place of enjoyment and fun while being mothers comes down to the invisible emotional and mental load.

The motherload is the emotional and mental load that fills up our motherhood plates to the brim.

It is undoubtedly NOT fun to constantly deal with this. Sometimes for years on end.

The Motherload fatigue IS real.

It’s all those little, irrelevant things that no one else has to deal with, being almost a full-time job in and of themselves, as well as being unquantifiable.

This mental load is all of those unnecessary yet pressing things that keep us so busy that we look around by the end of the day and can’t say exactly what we did or where the time went, but we feel soooooo effing exhausted!  

What’s worse is that when we try to explain this to our husbands, they simply don’t get it.

It seems like the cultural expectations regarding women, children, and housework and how they overlap fall straight and solely into our laps.

We also cannot approach our roles as mothers in a more playful way because of the sense of disconnection. Being fully present each day is not always possible because of adulting: we’re mothers and friends, daughters, and sisters. PLUS, we also have other responsibilities to tend to regardless of whether we work outside the house or not.

We promised a whole afternoon to our kids, and then boom! we get an urgent message from our boss requesting our help with something ASAP, or an email from a client who needs immediate assistance, or the handyman can’t come to fix the leakage at the scheduled time. Suddenly, we can’t keep that promise to spend the time as we would have wanted to.

We want to avoid making our loved ones, especially our children, the residual beneficiaries of our time and energy. Not giving them priority as often as we would like creates this sense of disconnection and emptiness, which prevents us from being present, playful and having fun.

But the mental load (aka the motherload) is an entirely different animal, and it needs to be tamed differently. It is not about seeking perfect equality in our marriage because life is not 50-50. Trying to be ‘cut-in-half equal partners by splitting the workload exactly down the middle only ends up being more stressful and builds resentment.

Despite this, something has got to give if we analyze the disheartening statistics. Darcy Lockman, a psychologist in NYC, wrote in the Washington Post: ‘Employed women partnered with employed men carry 65 percent of the family’s child-care responsibilities, a figure that has held steady since the turn of the century.’[1]

But like many men Lockman interviewed in her research, most men are oblivious to all the tasks we tend to handle ON TOP of the responsibilities we have as mothers.

Locke cites a woman (referring to her husband): ‘He’s on his phone or computer while I’m running around like a crazy person getting the kid’s stuff, doing the laundry. He has his coffee in the morning, reading his phone while I’m packing lunches, getting our daughter’s clothes out, helping our son with his homework. He just sits there. He doesn’t do it on purpose. He has no awareness of what’s happening around him. I ask him about it, and he gets defensive.’[1]

Sound familiar?

Here’s a very spot-on illustration of what the motherload looks like by Emma Clit and her amazing cartoon titled “You should have asked.”

Imagine the following scenario:

Your husband comes home on a Friday afternoon, and spur-of-the-moment declares: “Hey honey, let’s spend the day at the park tomorrow! Let’s pack up the kids and have a picnic there and spend the afternoon in nature.’

Then your hubby proceeds to get some mosquito repellent and a couple of frisbees, or a ball, packs them in a backpack, and considers it done.

Park. Tomorrow. Done.

What is happening on your end?

Let me take a guess: You spend the rest of that Friday, which, by the way, you expected to be a relaxing evening, and find yourself instead prepping snacks, packing and sorting a change of clothes for the kids, looking for the sunscreen, and some extra band-aids because one of your children has a nasty cut. And, where is that old piece of stale bread to bring along so you can feed the ducks? Because last time you didn’t come prepared and had to endure a 45-minute meltdown from the kids watching other children feed the ducks while they had nothing.

At this point, you’re already frazzled and snappy because the to-do list just got longer, and you just want the day to be done. But here you are, still preparing everything.

Meanwhile, your husband gets upset that you’re still running around like a headless chicken, saying that it’s JUST a day in the park, and asks you to sit down and relax. “Come and watch something.”

He’s gotta be kidding.

“With little ones around, it’s never ‘just going somewhere’. Why aren’t you helping?” you say in a spicy tone.

“Sure,” he says, his eyes still fixed to the screen, “tell me what to do.”

Well, that’s the problem.

How come he doesn’t realize that kids get hungry and need snacks? That they get thirsty and need water? That one child is not yet fully potty trained, and you need to plan if there’s no toilet around. And if the Littlest One needs a nap, where is that cushiony blanket to lay him on when the time comes? If it’s too hot, maybe the small, battery-operated fan can keep him cool, but it’s packed away somewhere in the basement/attic/garage along with the Christmas lights.

Oh yes, that reminds you that several of those lights don’t work, so maybe it’s time to buy new ones when December comes around.

How come no one sees how much work goes into this??

Why is trying to have fun as a mom everything but? Can motherhood even be fun? You knew it would require sacrifices, but you hoped there would be at least some moments of comic relief.

Maybe, the husband is right. Perhaps this one time, you should wing it. There’s always a convenience store nearby to buy some nasty, artificially flavored or sugar-laden snacks for the kids, so they should survive if it’s a one-off. Never mind that one of the children is Celiac or lactose intolerant.

It would be great to split things up and have hubby handle packing the clothes and the toys plus any strollers or bicycles while you just focus on snacks and drinks.

But dear hubby must likely needs a list handed over to him, and all those details are IN YOUR HEAD, so the time it takes to write it all up, you might as well have packed it yourself.

So not only do we have to think of all this and remember. It’s also us who suffer the consequences when things are forgotten or not adequately planned for.

It’s not only packing for the occasion but planning for what might go wrong because you want to save yourself problems later. (Murphy’s Law is a law for a reason) Everything is literally hanging on your shoulders.

You clearly remember, for example, the 45-minute tantrum from not having bread to feed the ducks last time you forgot something. While also having to carry a 24-lbs child for a whole kilometer around the park because she didn’t want to walk anymore, and you already had that back pain which made it all so much worse. Afterward, you even had to stop exercising altogether and instead had to pay a chiropractor to help you put it back in place. That was expensive.

Can we all collectively conclude that this is no walk in the park at all?

Our husbands fail to see all of this because things always seem to run so smoothly.

But things seem easy, breezy, lemon, squeezy because you are the one who’s been doing all of this heavy lifting and carrying the mother-effing-load!

TIME FOR A SERIOUS CONVERSATION

This is not about threats or going on strike, or trying to evenly split responsibilities and chores down the straightest line. The aim, however, should be to achieve some harmony. (It’s the reason my co-host and I decided to name our podcast that, by the way). Harmony sets the stage for creativity, flow, and enjoyment, which is what we want out of motherhood, as well as in our marriages.

If you’re constantly keeping score, you already lost.

This is not advisable.

First, starting a conversation with ‘These are aaaall the things I do, and you’re doing nothing’ will not open the gates for the honest, open dialogue that this topic needs.

Second, you want to avoid feeding the resentment monster. Keeping tabs on all the wrongdoings (or perceived wrongdoings) of our partners and stacking them up in your head will only lead to a major blowout later on that won’t help anyone.

When you do sit down for a talk, go by the suggestion of Indra Nooyi in giving people the benefit of the doubt. “Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent. You will be amazed at how your whole approach to a person or problem becomes very different.”

Also, keep in mind that men are incredibly straightforward. Then let us also be straightforward, defining in no uncertain terms what we need from them. If we do this in a genuine and caring fashion and have a partner who cares and is willing to cooperate, they will be willing to follow your road map.

THE ROADMAP

When tackling the mental load issue, having a game plan works best.

Yes, this also ends up on you, but the aim is to do it once and automate it.

>Make a list; check it twice. 

Start with a list of housework and parenting activities or tasks that need to be done regularly, for example, daily or weekly: cooking, laundry, bath time, grocery shopping, and the like.

Considering your schedules, likes, dislikes, and even the time of year, pick three to four activities that you are happy to pass over or have your spouse take their pick.

Hint to my type-A sisters out there: please start small. It’s better to get your partner committed to one task than having him take on six or seven, missing the whole point of the exercise and getting yourself more frazzled and frustrated than ever before.

>Make sure your partner understands the concept of OWNERSHIP

This is where an open and cooperating attitude is vital between you and your partner. The aim is that whoever gets the task or activity gets to OWN it all the way through until completion.

This is crucial. This is the detail that needs to be one hundred percent understood and agreed upon by all parties. Here is where the mental load finally gets lighter, and the mental exhaustion subsides.

Any task or chore has three parts: pre-planning, implementation, and closing the loop. It might have been that in the past, you were doing the pre-planning and closing the loop behind the scenes, and hubby only thought that implementing it was what it took.

Pre-planning and closing the loop tend to add more to the motherload than the implementation part.

So now, with the new approach, the aim is for him to OWN it all! If our partners don’t help us by owning the whole enchilada, then the motherload still stands. This is what we’re trying to lighten up for us. Closing the loop is key – I can’t stress this enough.

>A real-life example- The Green Crocodile

In my home, hubby takes care of bath time. But he didn’t OWN bath time. And this was a constant source of squabbling between us.

This is what my husband considered a completed and achieved bath time task:

  1. Take kids to the bathroom.
  2. Take off their clothes.
  3. Put kids in a bathtub. Lather and rinse.
  4. Dry them up.
  5. Put pajamas on.

Until we sat down and discussed it in-depth, he had no inkling that he was missing nine(!) steps in between and not helping with my motherload.

This is what I consider a completed and achieved bath time task:

0.1 Get towels ready and in the bathroom.

0.2 Lay out pajamas, socks, and diapers on the bed.

0.3 Get diaper cream out and on the bed.

  1. Take kids to the bathroom.
  2. Lay out green crocodile on the bathtub to avoid slips and falls.
  3. Take off their clothes.
  4. Put clothes inside the clothes hamper.
  5. Put kids in the bathtub. Lather and rinse.
  6. Dry them up.
  7. Put pajamas on.
  8. Hang green crocodile to avoid mold and mildew.
  9. Put away towels.
  10. Put away diaper cream.
  11. Bonus: take clothes to the laundry area to get them ready to be washed.

This is what closing the loop looks like to me.

Even if my husband was technically helping with bath time, I was still taking care of wet towels, dirty clothes lying on the floor (and a mere two steps away from the clothes hamper, mind you), putting away the green crocodile and diaper cream, and it ended up feeling like more work for me, not less.

Drafting the above list and understanding what are all the necessary and required steps to OWN the task completely is critical.

>Pro-tips

In the ‘going to the park’ scenario above, you will need some starter lists to start offloading the mental load to your partner. Make a list of what you planned and prepped for that specific activity (along with all possible worst-case scenarios).

Yes, it’s double work that one time, but it’s invaluable if you want to have the conversation on how hubby needs to OWN the ‘going to the park’ activity moving forward. Keeping this list handy allows him to understand what it entails when he decides to take the family to the park.

If your partner is unwilling to pre-plan, implement and close the loop on a task he has agreed to OWN, then the activity gets cancelled or re-scheduled. It’s only fair.

HAVING FUN

If you’ve been shouldering the mental load for several years, it’s a good idea to manage expectations. Let’s give our partners the benefit of the doubt and assume they have been blissfully unaware of how the sausage factory works. How they’ve missed all the boring details and planning that go into making things work without a hitch. (And not only for the special occasions or the Holidays).

But it’s never too late to start the transition. And if the children are older, you can also apply this concept with them and their assigned chores. Hence, they begin to dimension what it truly means when a task or activity falls on their plates.

For example, ’ helping with the dishes’ is too vague. Is it bringing them to the kitchen counter and leaving them there? Is it putting the dishes in the dishwasher? Is it washing, drying, AND putting the dishes away?

It’s time to reinvent what motherhood looks like, feels like, and tastes like TO YOU.

It IS possible to lighten the motherload. It IS possible to be playful as moms and have fun in our motherhood journey.

Continue to be vulnerable and open-minded with your partner. Having uncomfortable conversations about how we feel might not sound like fun. Yet, we can be pleasantly surprised by our spouses, and it might help us realize that although misguided, their support is real and that we can count on it. Our husbands and partners are not mind readers. They sometimes (most of the time) need us to Spell. It. Out.

These open conversations are what create intimacy outside of the bedroom. We not only make love behind closed doors. We make love to our partners every day in all the shared activities that sprinkle our daily lives.

As a final thought, let’s also put the Mental load into perspective. Our children and the bulk of caregiving, will evolve and change with time and will slowly diminish as our offspring become young adults. Our partners, on the other hand, are hopefully going to be with us for the rest of our lives. Let’s aim to nurture and take care of this relationship so that it evolves and grows with time.

Therefore, let’s be intentional and assertive on how we want to share the load so that it’s no longer the motherload but the love load instead.

You’ve got this, mama.

Keep your Momergy up! -Iva

Do you want the Playbook to lighten the mental load (aka the Motherload)? Join our FREE Facebook community and have access to this and many more resources!

[1] Darcy Lokman, ‘Analysis|Where do Kids Learn to Undervalue Women? From their Parents’, Washington Post, 10 Nov. 2017

[1] Darcy Lokman, ‘Analysis|Where do Kids Learn to Undervalue Women? From their Parents’, Washington Post, 10 Nov. 2017

[1] Ian Bogost, Play Anything, New York, Basic Books, 2016, p. Preface

[2] Ian Bogost, Play Anything, New York, Basic Books, 2016, p. Preface

[1] Nir Eyal, Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life, London, Bloomsbury Publishing, 2020, p. 46

[2] Nir Eyal, Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life, London, Bloomsbury Publishing, 2020, p. 45

Posted on

How to Mix Boredom and Kids the Smart Way to Enjoy More Energy

Know how to swap your bundle of ‘bored’ for a bundle of joy using these powerful tips.

Nothing depletes a mom’s energy faster than a bored child. Hearing the words “I’m bored” seems to grate us down to our core, especially while glancing around and noticing all the toys and games your little one has at her disposal. You also wonder why Santa even bothers (especially knowing full well all the hassle and stress Santa went through to make Christmas magical.)

On the other hand, you have a million things to do and cannot be your child’s personal entertainer the whole day. And you shouldn’t! 

So how do we effectively deal with the whole boredom conundrum?

Loving our children means many things, but martyrdom is not one of them, and just because they’re bored, it doesn’t mean you should be the one to suffer. So let’s start off by really smashing the belief that boredom in our children is a problem.

No, it isn’t. Boredom IS good for kids!

This requires a mindset shift. But once you adopt it, guilt and stress will go out the window. 

Boredom is not a problem to be fixed. 

Just with this one alone, your energy levels should go back up a couple of notches. 

Let’s face it. Most times, we’re firing on all cylinders while precariously carrying around a truckload full of plates, platters, and Tupperware containers with mismatching lids that we can’t seem to put down. In other words, we’re constantly busy solving our family’s problems. It looks you’re on permanent office hours handling everyone’s affairs. Whether it’s solving for the eternal question of “What’s for dinner?” to helping your spouse find the whatchamacallit that he can’t find, to looking for a lost sock or toy.

So please don’t make boredom another problem that requires solving.

Because, when we cannot successfully “fix” the boredom, guess who shows up? That’s right. Mom guilt (another energy vampire sucking our momergy dry).

Water the plants

Metaphorically speaking. The book The Gardener and the Carpenter by Alison Gopnik is a fantastic eye-opener into how we tend to engage in constricting and stressful parenting practices. It’s really a must-read for any parent in this day and age.

Here are some quick Cliff notes: 

According to the author, the trouble with parenting is that it treats looking after children as a form of work rather than a form of love. And by treating childcare as work, parents are doomed to feel dissatisfied because it’s a relentless, thankless, messy, unpaid occupation. 

(source1)

So when you really view parenting as an act of love and ask instead, “how can I love my child better?” a whole new world of possibilities opens up.  

We fret over making the best choices for our kids all around. Therefore, there’s a lot of pressure and anxiety around everything that they do, what they eat, how they engage their time. There’s the notion that we are the ones that have to come up with all these things so that our kids turn out to be great adults and amazing human beings. 

But when you see Gopnik’s point of view, it simplifies things by making parents responsible for simply creating a set of conditions_ or fertile ground_in the gardening metaphor. But then the choices that our child makes are entirely up to them. 

For example, we can stress about planning hyper-healthy meals for the family and going crazy if you didn’t make Brussel sprouts that week because now, your kid won’t like vegetables and will now become addicted to sugar. Instead, if you just prep the foundation, make sure that what you have at home is healthy when it comes to food options, then it doesn’t matter what your child decides to eat. It’s all healthy! The choice is his, but you provide (and control) the options. This applies to all areas.  

Just by making sure that the environment is good enough for them to thrive, then, how they decide to blossom and in what the moment, it is entirely up to them. Most likely, children will thrive in a good way because parents made sure the environment was set up well. 

This book is an excellent reminder of how our children get to benefit more when we let them be and let them figure out how to play on their own, rather than being told how they need to do so. Play is their arena, their turf. If there’s anyone that knows how to play and how to do it properly, it’s children. It’s intuitive. It’s part of their DNA.

Gopnik brilliantly summarizes all this in one sentence: “We worry too much and do too much for them; children flourish when they are given freedom. When it comes to looking after kids, be a gardener, not a carpenter.”

Amen to that. 

Seriously. Get the book (and a highlighter). 

Stimulate the virtuous cycle of free play

Your child’s natural habitat is the play zone: that magical space where he gets to live out his fantasies and allows his imagination to roam free. Parents worldwide know this all too well when, after unpacking birthday gifts, children end up happily playing with the boxes, ribbons, and the foam peanuts instead of the actual toys.

That’s because children don’t need much to enjoy themselves. I’ve watched my children rip paper and create a winter wonderland with ‘snow’ while having the best time. 

And it is this unstructured time that allows children the opportunity to engage with themselves and the world – to imagine, invent, and create. 

When children are left to their own devices, they’re forced to be more creative and imaginative in finding ways to amuse themselves. So let them.

This also tends to become a virtuous cycle. Because the more that children have to engage in unstructured play, the more they use their imagination and the more creative they become. And at the same time, they start to enjoy more being left to their own devices. The more they do it, the more they have to find ways to amuse themselves, so they are forced to be more creative.

Remove the baby gate.

I get it. I’m all up for maximizing productivity every chance I’ve got. 

As adults and busy moms, we have this notion that we have to make the most out of the time we have. 

So we fall into the trap of thinking that allowing our kids to stare at their hands and draw smiley faces on their fingers is a time-waster. After all, they could be doing something better with their time: like learning a new instrument, or a new language, or something, right? We simply want to put all those extra-absorbing-and-prime-for-learning brain cells of theirs to good use.

Where I currently reside, I’m witness to this excessive structure and countless activities for young kids accounting for every single minute of their day. As in, these kids are really busy! Their school day is already long, and then, after school, they have all sorts of clubs, classes, and activities to attend.

Alison Gopnik also remarks that by keeping their timetables so packed, we’re trying to “shape (our) three-year-olds into Harvard freshmen.” There is definitely a societal pressure to want to give young children a leg up, academically speaking, so they’re able to be better prepared for the professional world.  

Yet, knowledge is not only academic; it also comes from finding new links or connections between things and making mistakes.

And free, unstructured play can provide great inventiveness and master elements of the world as they see fit. 

Boredom in this regard is fertile ground that allows children to create their own happiness and develop self-reliance while developing self-esteem, the ability to self-regulate.

Lia Karsten, a professor of Urban Geographies at the University of Amsterdam, argues that excessive extracurricular activities have transformed children from active participants to “backseat children” who are passively escorted from one structured activity to the next by their parents. 

(source 2)

I agree that having extracurricular lessons and activities is not to be avoided. They allow children to pursue things they might like and enjoy doing for a long time as a hobby or even as a profession. But the extreme IS the problem. Keeping a child in back-to-back activities the whole day until they collapse at night is not allowing their brains to be in free flow. You cannot be in free flow if everything has been structured to the tiniest detail.

The Gift of Passion

As mothers, we’re nurturers by nature. As supermom, we can come to the rescue and provide entertainment to our kids when they call out to us in despair. 

BUT when children are forced to find ways to entertain themselves, something magical happens. 

By allowing your child to connect to his own feelings, creativity, and imagination, you give them the gift of finding what they genuinely like and enjoy. A child who cannot find his own answers does not develop a true sense of self. 

There are real possible downsides to going down this route. We might end up with young adults who, in their 20s and 30s, end up having midlife crises because they don’t know what they want. 

Their parents and society always were the ones telling them what they needed to do when and how. And when they get to have the reins of their own lives and to be the ones in control, they have no clue what to do!

They haven’t tapped into their own passions or actively learned to find answers on their own. 

As adults, we know this all too well. No one can give us the answers about our own lives. We can receive guidance, mentorship, advice, examples, tricks, and hacks, but it’s up to us to decide at the end of the day.

And we usually decide based on what feels right to us_at least that’s how it should be. 

Knowing in our hearts whether we’re making the right choice or following the right path can only come when we are in tune with ourselves and our inner guidance.

This is not woo woo talk. Take a look around at all the self-help books making the NYT best-seller list that tackle this very subject. There are many adults still grappling with not knowing what they want to be or do when they grow up. And that’s okay. But allowing our kids to find and foster their unique passions and talents provides for a smoother and easier transition into adulthood, doesn’t it? 

So when you’re child says, “I’m bored,” take it as a fantastic opportunity to guide him into fine-tuning this powerful skill of learning about what he wants and what feels right. 

The Only Way Out is In

The reality is that we live in an ever-increasing digital world, with our children truly being digital natives. 

When we’re in the middle of busy and hectic times, plucking our child down with a phone or an iPad seems like a quick and easy fix to give us a much-needed breather. We tend to think that this will keep our little one’s brain engaged, but, unfortunately, it shuts down the parts that enhance creativity and imagination.

Learning how to navigate the waters of technology regarding our children is a whole subject in itself. And I am in no way opposed to technology. 

The message here is that we need to be mindful that not all technology is created equal. There’s the M&M kind of technology, and then there’s the Brussel sprout type of technology.

It’s our responsibility to be very conscious and mindful about how the technology comes into our homes and how our children make use of it. We need to assess their age and stage of development they’re in. 

Like Jonathan Fader said: “Technology is like fire. It can cook your food and can also burn down the house.”

We can’t be oblivious to the definitive downside of using technology all the time- especially when it comes to small children.

It has been well documented that apps and digital content have been scientifically devised to get non-stop engagement from us and create addiction. Even we as adults get hit with dopamine spikes throughout the day with every ping, bell, and alarm from our mobile devices.

These dopamine hits are the same as what gamblers experience in the casinos and junkies experience with drugs. 

Do we really want a constant dopamine hit to be present in our young child’s brain from so early on? 

Dr. Dimitri Christakis, director of the Center for Child Health, Behavior and Development at Seattle Children’s Research Institute, echoes this notion. He states that the cost of increased screen-time in children “will be borne by families because increased online use is associated with anxiety, depression, obesity and aggression and addiction to the medium itself.”

(source 3)

What concerns researchers is that devices are a poor substitute for activities known to be central to health, social, and physical development, including physical play and other interactions that help children learn how to confront challenging social situations.

(source 4)

Plus, both adult and young brains need downtime to allow our brains to process, file and sort the deluge of information and stimuli that we get constantly. Our brains are organs too. Just like our bodies need rest and our muscles need recovery after working out, so do our brains. 

When we don’t give our mind a chance to pause and refresh, it doesn’t work as efficiently. Likewise, our children are more likely to experience burnout and stress when constantly using devices and solely engaging with online content. 

Click here to find out how meditation can counteract the dopamine effects on young brains in as little as two minutes a day. Get started with a Meditation practice in just 7 days here.

More than one?

Siblings are allowed to bond more when they need to entertain themselves together. Yes, this possibly creates more friction and squabbles than sending them off to a class or course somewhere. 

With multiple kids, it definitely feels like our job becomes that of a referee: by constantly dispensing metaphorical yellow time-out cards left and right during the day.

But this is the perfect opportunity to fosters social competence, respect for rules, self-discipline, aggression control, problem-solving skills, leadership development, conflict resolution, and playing by the rules.

No one, and I mean, NO ONE, is more ruthless in making sure a child learns how to play by the rules and develop some good ol’ problem-solving skills than a sibling is.

Is it irritating having to step in to stop squabbles? Then don’t. Unless someone is in real danger or physically hurt, your children can learn to find a solution together if left to their own devices. 

It may sound overly simplistic to try and ignore fights and screaming. But just like boredom, the more we interfere, the less likely siblings are forced to find solutions collectively. Here is a great way to tune out and listen to some inspiring content while the drama unfolds. Click here. 

So the bottom line on children's boredom? The best way to help your child is to do nothing at all!

Children need to figure out how to use their free time or never learn how to manage it.

That being said, this is a disclaimer that every mom will find her own way to deal with boredom, and there is no right or wrong answer. You need to figure out what works for your child and you, mama.

As long as what works is coming from a place that gives you peace of mind and makes you feel like an empowered mom and NOT making you feel stressed, anxious, worried, and feeling like you’re coming up short on all ends.

This is about keeping your Momergy up. We try to make decisions that best benefit our little ones. But also, in making those decisions, we need to feel empowered as mothers. That’s the only way to continue showing up as the best version of ourselves in this motherhood journey.

So kudos to you, mom, for showing up each and every day. You’ve got this!

Hey mama! Wanting to know more about how to ride the guilt wave of parenting and continue this conversation with other fellow moms? Kick those feelings of burnout and exhaustion! Come and join our exclusive Facebook community!

We have a dedicated and in-depth Parenting through a Pandemic Series where we explore mom-related topics such as:

– Riding the guilt wave of motherhood, 

– Why connecting with our children is easier and faster than we think 

-and how to manage all this while keeping your Momergy up!

See you on the inside!

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Why Grabbing a Mental Toothbrush will Save Your Sanity (AND Your Kids’) this Year

As published in Mad Mom Magazine March Issue

Living abroad in Asia sometimes feels like being a modern-day MOMstradamus by living quite literally in the future. As a result, I knew and experienced Covid-19 way back when it was still the untrendy Wuhan pneumonia (and 2020 was just getting started).

I quickly had to isolate myself with my two young children, who were two and four at the time. I felt confused and puzzled as to what was happening around us. And it seemed like I was the only one going through this at the time.

Being ahead of the curve meant my children and I started to experience all the adverse effects of social distancing earlier than the rest of the world. Under normal circumstances, my kids were already going through their regular and developmentally appropriate 53 tantrums per day (a number that kept doubling in quantum leaps with each passing day, just like the virus). 

Weeks became months, and months became an eternity. If I had to describe what that time tasted like, it would be like having to swallow dirty wet socks with a side of vinegar. In other words, it was bitter, challenging, and unpleasant. 

I was going crazy, and my kids were absorbing and internalizing all my stress and anxiety. They were becoming more whiny, clingy, and more challenging to handle. The worst was knowing that this was happening and not being able to do much about it because I was too emotionally drained to think straight. Hello there, mom guilt.  

On the verge of my fourth meltdown and burn out, I began to search for a way out of this negative cycle. Countless times during the day, I was being triggered, having angry eruptions, and then picking up the pieces with a heavy and remorseful heart.  

Breathe. Take it easy. Those were the words of advice from well-meaning friends and loved ones. Yeah, right, I mentally replied, why don’t you try locking yourself up with YOUR kids for a couple of weeks, huh? Oops, it seems I can also cast curses. 

A part of me knew they were right. I had dabbled in meditation in the past, but never consistently or regularly. I had this notion that you had to sit in a lotus position for hours and reach Nirvana every time, so it seemed sooo darn hard! I had images of monks in orange robes peacefully levitating in some distant mountain. (Of course, monks can do it because they don’t have children tugging at their pants every 3 seconds.)

So I decided to give meditation another shot out of desperation. If someone had advised me to bark at the moon while hopping backward to put an end to my plight, I would have done it. By that point, I would have also eaten the wet socks with vinegar. 

But still, it felt….complicated. I had to find a time with little interruptions (nope), or I would have to either get up earlier than my kids in the morning (fat chance) or at night (another chore to an endless list). 

I wondered how I could find that moment of peace to sort through my emotions or give me the pause I needed so I wouldn’t be exploding again and again. 

One particularly rough day, I was getting ready to crash for the night. There I was, tired AF, brushing my teeth when it hit me. 

Why didn’t I have the same commitment towards being more mindful and present as I had towards brushing my teeth every night?

No sane (or hygienic) adult tries to negotiate the importance of toothbrushing. It’s a no-brainer! No matter how rough of a day it’s been. Or how late it is. No one stands there debating whether to do it or not. And we certainly don’t try to rationalize it with crazy thoughts like I’ll do it tomorrow for an hour instead of tonight. 

After all, good dental hygiene comes down to doing it every. single. day, no matter what. And all it takes is just TWO MINUTES. Consistency and regularity of brushing are what keeps our mouths healthy.

So why can’t a meditation practice be similar? 

Doing it with kids in tow seemed the challenging part. But then I thought they could certainly do it for two minutes too.

Because of our hardwired need to connect with others, social distancing affects us negatively, including our kids. Plus, small children absorb their parents’ and caretakers’ emotional states. So, if one is a walking cocktail of anger, frustration, and stress, guess what the child is drinking?

Also, young kids’ brains (between the ages of 0-8) operate mostly under theta brainwaves. Their young minds are highly suggestible. This is the perfect time to create positive associations and habits that become deep-rooted just like the habit of brushing teeth. As mothers, we try to instill good habits in our children regarding fitness and nutrition. Shouldn’t we also help strengthen their mental and emotional muscles? 

I, for one, wanted to change that. Here I was, in the middle of a global pandemic, lacking any habit or tool to keep me even-keeled, calm, and present when I needed it the most. If anything, I would make sure my children wouldn’t struggle with resilience in their adult life. 

Staying semi-sane became the name of the game (high expectations had gone out the window by then, and good enough was pretty darn good!).

The premise of the Mental Toothbrush Technique™ is straightforward:

You meditate with your kids for two minutes daily. No matter what. 

My little ones were willing guinea pigs from the start, and I can proudly say we’ve been consistently doing it for the past nine months, and it has been a very positive experience.

Here are my tips, caveats, and disclaimers about it before you hit me with your ‘yeah, but’s.’

  • Create a trigger for your new habit. Tie it directly to some other activity that happens daily at home at about the same time. Children thrive on routine. Choosing an event that happens daily like naptime, bedtime, or brushing teeth and working the meditation before or after it, is a great way to ensure consistency.
  • Keep it reasonable. To the alpha moms out there, I see you, and I read your mind! Please keep it to two minutes regardless of how confident you feel you and your children can meditate longer. It’s not a race, no one will levitate any time soon, and you’re not going to get a Best Mom of the Year award for it. The point is to do it every day (yes, weekends, vacations, holidays, Christmas…). Two minutes is psychologically easy to manage.

  • Your kids won’t meditate with you. Then what’s the point?!! you ask. They don’t need to. Young children are sponges, and they learn by watching you. If they see you are consistent and that it’s a fun activity, they will even come to request it even if they aren’t truly meditating. You’re building a lifelong habit. Our parents battled with us for the better part of eight years to instill a tooth brushing habit. Keep a long vision approach to it and adjust your expectations accordingly.

  • You will get interrupted—a lot. Just keep breathing. If you stick to being calm and quiet, your kids will quickly make the necessary associations. Trust me; they’re fast learners. 

  • You don’t have to do anything else but being present and conscious of your breath. That’s it. Inhale and exhale. Want to sit down? Lie down? Do a headstand? As long as you keep it for two minutes, you’re golden. 

  • However, you can still take shortcuts*. While deep breathing does the trick, moms need all the help they can get. And there is one nifty little something that helps rev up your nervous system (AND that of your kids) in a matter of minutes. Essential oils like Stress Away have been scientifically proven to alter our limbic system, and they pair up perfectly with your two-minute meditation!

  • Things at home will still be the same. Remember what I said previously about high expectations? The fights, the whining, the tantrums, they will all still be there after you’re done meditating. You will still lose your temper and go ‘mommy volcano’ on your kids. I don’t consider this a failure because two important things have happened since I started using this Mental Toothbrush Technique™ in my life. 

First, my kids have started to consider meditation as a bonding time with me, and they love it. It has become part of their daily routine, and to see them being excited about it and looking forward to it, makes me feel like at least I did something right despite everything else that I did wrong. 

They will not reap the benefits of what we’re doing until much later in life. But it motivates me to know that when they face crazy, stressful situations, they will have this powerful tool to find resilience and inner wisdom whenever they need it.

Second, my angry outbursts have gone down considerably. I was going off at the slightest provocation and poisoning my blood in the process. It doesn’t seem like any benefits can be reaped in two minutes of conscious breathing, but believe me, they are real! With enough regularity, your mood will be calmer, and you’ll feel less stressed. Want to have the exact Fail-Proof Guide that I used? Click here.

Most of us likely swore off making resolutions this year. Yet, this is an invitation to make a profound change in your life. Spending two minutes a day breathing with your children is the best investment you can make this year. Take it from a mom that came back from the brink of the abyss. The sight of a toothbrush has become a symbol of hope, resilience, and calm for me. As we continue navigating uncertain waters around us, I hope you grab a mental toothbrush and join me down the path towards good mental health!

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7 Yoga Lessons for Daily Life and Motherhood to Help Boost your Inner Game

Revised by Diana Kraemer, Yoga Instructor certified in Physical Education & Sport Sciences.

Spiritually doesn’t always get first dibs on our attention. If we can’t see it, we forget it’s there. It’s like that item you forgot to write down on your grocery list and that you probably forgot to buy. And then you realized it was the reason you went to the store in the first place.

Our spiritual nature tends to be very mellow and quiet when compared with our bodies and minds. We’re constantly being reminded that we have a body because we get tired, cold, and sick and crave another piece of molten lava cake. Our minds continuously churn out thoughts and emotions galore, sometimes not switching off at night when we want to sleep. 

Yet our spiritual voice tends to be quiet and speaking in soft tones, so it gets easily drowned in the noise of daily life or muffled under your child’s outbursts, the news, and the thoughts in your head.

However, our spiritual side can shine through if we allow our inner voice (or wisdom) to get louder, more clear-cut, and firmer. Most of us call it intuition or gut feeling. And the great thing about it is that it’s always present within us and is always right.

So how come we don’t nurture or learn to listen more to the ONLY voice that actually matters? 

Lack of practice for one. We probably weren’t brought up tuning in to this inner voice. Probably lack of awareness that it is always there when we need it. And maybe lack of attention as we simply tend to focus on other things. In short, there are many reasons, and we don’t need to analyze them. 

The great news is that we CAN nurture this voice to speak louder and clearer regardless of where we are in life. Once we’re attuned to our inner guide, the answers we seek will come to us from within. 

When it comes to our intuition, it’s either a very clear yes or a very clear no. There’s no in-between. We feel it in our gut so powerfully that even if something appears good on paper, ticking off all the right boxes, we can still get the sense that something is off or not right for us.

Maybe the fact that it sometimes doesn’t seem to make any sense throws us off a bit. Trusting this voice and acting accordingly takes courage and faith.

When we develop and make time for our spiritual development, we also strengthen our faith and courage in ourselves and the world around us. We relinquish the driver’s seat, so to speak, and allow trust in what is to guide us through.

In this sense, yoga is a great practice that allows us to nurture that spiritual connection in our lives. The wealth and breadth of yoga is too vast of a topic to cover here. There are many types, styles, and schools of yoga, which requires a conscious effort to find the technique, class, instructor, and even yoga mat that best fits our own needs at any given time. But once you find the right mix, yoga is a great spiritual practice to help keep you grounded and better tap into your energy and vitality.

In fact, I have found that when it comes to motherhood and life in general, yoga can offer some great insights no matter what type or style you practice. 

Here are 7 Yoga Lessons for Daily Life and Motherhood to Help Boost your Inner Game.

  1. Start off with the proper foundation. 

Nothing in life can have a long-lasting and positive outcome if it is built on shaky ground. Nature knows this better than anyone. Redwoods that can deftly grow to over 300 feet start by dedicating a long period towards growing and nourishing the roots first. 

The same holds true for us mothers. Whether it’s our day, our week, or that vital project, we need to start off by being adequately grounded. My beautiful yoga instructor likes to add “grounded and straight.” 

Before you get started with the parenting or working aspect of your day, making sure to ground yourself first should be your number one priority. 

We cannot show up for our kids, spouses, partners, loved ones, friends, or even our jobs if we’re not taking care of number one. 

It’s all about how we self-manage and self-regulate every day. To be productive and take care of every area of our lives, we need the following: recovery time, good sleep habits, nutrient-dense foods, great friendships, and a sense of belonging. 

This is how we set the foundation to show up calm, conscious, and resilient. How do you ground yourself? How do you prepare to show up fully in your life and handle all your different roles and responsibilities? The answer to these questions will set the foundation for everything else. 

  • Leave the past behind. Nothing matters but the present. 

That’s right. We sometimes fall into the trap of starting our day limping with guilt from the day before. Whatever happened, whatever we said, whatever we did or didn’t do, it’s now in the past. Long, long gone. 

Every day is a new beginning, as cliched as it sounds. A unique opportunity to start anew. Fresh. On a blank page. 

The truth is, we can’t create the present or future we want by examining or contemplating the past. Giving ourselves the grace of a brand new day or a brand new moment is critical. 

Even now, if the morning has gone horrible at home, and my kids and I have all gone on a downward spiral of craziness, I know that it can be a new reset when they get up from their naps. I CAN rescue the remainder of the day. We can always start again. And most often than not, pretty crappy mornings have had darn good afternoons when I approach it from that space of knowing that what matters is the present moment. 

  • Your breath is more important than the movement.

When we control our breath, we control the Universe. What happens outside of us is a reflection of what is happening inside. This is hands down the most straightforward and most easily forgotten truths of all. 

As mothers, we strive for speed, efficiency, doing, charging ahead, and anything else that makes us feel like we’re moving forward. But this busyness can be a trap. We can use the distractions of doing tasks and low impacting activities to avoid looking inside and making the proper adjustments. Or even making some tough decisions and choices.

Going around in circles might feel like progress, but in reality, we’re just wasting precious momergy going nowhere. Taking the time to pause and contemplate might seem weird at first if we’re used to being constantly on the go. But, in that break, in that non-doing, in that pause, that’s where we open up the space for what is needed next. 

Case in point: tantrums are huge triggers for all of us! We want to do something immediately. We want to fix them or nip them in the bud (whatever our mood happens to be). And yet, we can achieve so much more by taking some deep breaths in the middle of our children’s meltdowns. We can even find the right approach to handle them after taking a couple of deep breaths. And the same goes for almost anything else that is happening at the moment. Pause, breathe, and take stock.

  • Do whatever feels right for you TODAY.

This used to sound so odd for someone like myself, who has long suffered from type A personality. My old mantra used to be “doing whatever it takes” to get to my end goal (obviously, within a legal and moral compass). But you know what I mean. 

Listening to my body was not a priority because things needed to be done, even if they were not to my liking. 

There are two aspects to this. First, we can always decide what approach will feel right for us even with the things we MUST do and that are not of our particular liking.

I might not like having to do laundry, for example, even though I know it must be done. So what approach to this inevitable task do I choose? Maybe it feels right for me to tackle it first thing in the morning or while children are napping. No matter the context, there’s always an alternative that feels better for us, and honoring that goes hand in hand with giving ourselves some grace. 

The second part of this is that many things will simply not be challenging or burdensome when we have a clear intention and understanding of why we’re doing them. 

My eldest loves to smell his newly washed blankets and says, “How nice it smells, mommy!” with evident delight. Suppose I interpret doing the laundry as a way to show my love to him by providing clean and wonderful smelling blankets he can snuggle with at night. In that case, even if I don’t like the chore, it will feel right because my intention is that my children feel loved in every possible way.

  • Keep your Drishti when trying to balance.

The Sanskrit word Drishti is commonly translated as “point of focus.” It is a specific point to lock your eyes on while holding a yoga posture. 

When we lose focus in a yoga pose, we tend to lose our balance. Hence the importance of maintaining your Drishti. 

When we lose focus in our daily life, we get distracted by the unimportant and sabotage our goals and priorities. 

We have many objectives and purposes in all of our different roles. Keeping our eyes on the ball, so to speak, keeps us in our truths. If we do this, we can’t be easily distracted or confused. But if we start to look around, we get derailed. Maybe we begin to compare ourselves to others or what they’re doing, or we might start second-guessing our choices and decisions. In other words, we start diluting ourselves, and our energy gets depleted.

In my last post, I spoke about how our children can test our limits and boundaries (because that’s what they’re supposed to do). By keeping our priorities straight and knowing what the end result is supposed to look like, we won’t be easily thrown into confusion. 

  • Being upside-down helps to balance the chi in your body.

Not every day or moment in our lives will pan out the way we want it to. Put simply, we don’t like being “down” or feeling like we’re upside down. The caveat is that life itself is so dynamic that it comes with its ups and downs as part of the whole package. 

But those “downward” moments are the ones that can gift us with a better perspective and awareness of ourselves. Being comfortable with being uncomfortable is a great life skill to acquire.

From breaking out of our comfort zone to allowing ourselves to feel out of shape or bent, there’s always something new we’re discovering about the experience. And it is a great mindfulness technique to not be judgemental about it. 

It’s not so much that we’re upside down; it’s what we tell ourselves about being upside down that makes all the difference. 

Embracing the chaos, the unknown, the challenges, and the discomfort is a great place to be because we learn a great deal about ourselves in these situations. We learn to know what we’re truly capable of. 

We can’t appreciate a sunny day if we haven’t lived through some rainy ones. It’s the yin and yang aspect of life that allows us to embrace whatever shows up, knowing that, this too, shall pass.

  • Take a moment to thank yourself for the space provided.

Gratitude is such a powerful force! And we mostly tend to forget to thank ourselves too. It’s an odd habit but one that my yoga instructor emphasizes at the end of each yoga class. Taking a moment to appreciate even the most minor details helps our brains be on the lookout for more of the positive. It sends a powerful message to the world that we are choosing to focus on the positive. Finding the silver lining is a great way to strengthen our spiritual wellness because we exercise our trust, faith, and courage. Plus, gratitude is a great way to neutralize any negative emotions that might come up. When feeling low (or down), gratitude counteracts this low frequency. 

So there you have it: 7 Yoga Lessons for Daily Life and Motherhood to Help you show up better in all that you do beyond the yoga mat. Happy Spiritual Wellness Month!

Namaste.

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Three Powerful Ways to Level Up your Mindset and Motherhood

Maybe it had to do with going carb and sugar free for two whole weeks, or perhaps I’m already hallucinating two months into this new year. But I had one of those insights that quickly prompted me to write this post.

I know why I get triggered soooooo effing much by my kids when it’s bath time and bedtime hour (in my house, we do them as a combo). 

I call it Primetime because the house could be burning down, and I would barely notice as my children’s shrieks, cries, tantrums, fights, and every other crazy antic would be getting all of my undivided attention. 

So here’s my insight: Primetime triggers me sooo darn much because of decision fatigue.

There, I said it. 

My name is Iva, and I suffer from decision fatigue.

Everyone: Hi, Iva.

It seems that everyone has a daily quota of “best decision-making” pixie dust that eventually runs out. Most of us usually use it all up by the end of the day. At that point, we’re literally drained from the endless amount of decisions we’ve had to make throughout the day. 

Sounds familiar, mom? Grab a chair and join me here in the circle.

According to studies[1] the average human being makes approximately 35,000 decisions per day. 

But you and I are not your average human beings. We’re mothers. Currently living through a global pandemic. That number easily quadruples when it comes to how many decisions we are required to make daily. 

When it comes to parenting in this chaotic world, it’s not only about having to make decisions; it’s about having to make thousands of new choices on the spot and wondering whether those decisions are right or not.

No wonder every mother out there is mentally exhausted! We are navigating ever-changing scenarios regarding every single area of our lives, and we have to do so with lots of conflicting data and very little guidance (How to parent through a Pandemic is not on Amazon yet. I checked)

So, not only are we experiencing decision fatigue, we’re also suffering from pandemic fatigue. How fun.

And to add insult to injury, it always feels like I’m guessing my way through motherhood and feeling like a complete fraud. Who am I kidding?! I don’t know what I’m doing half the time, and the other half I’m winging it.

It seems our motherhood package comes with a dose of insecurity, self-doubt, and negativity regarding our roles as mothers, all wrapped up under the impostor syndrome label.

So there we have it, ladies. The dreaded trifecta of pandemic fatigue, decision fatigue, and impostor syndrome can show up at any time and wreak havoc in our lives.

What are some powerful mindset tactics that we can use to better navigate this perfect storm? I mean, not to sound blasé about it, but we must live until we die.

Yet, it’s up to us to decide: do we want to get to the finish line feeling and looking like a decade-old used mop (FYI: stress = wrinkles)? Or do we want to get there with some shreds of dignity still standing no matter how small (while hopefully setting an example for our children)?

So if you’re with me, and you want to have some actionable steps on how to handle this triple whammy, read on.

Powerful Mindset Tactic One

Let’s start with pandemic fatigue. It seems like it’s the hardest one out of the three.

(Seriously, when will this end?? Where is the fast-forward button on this thing??)

I mean, all three are all soul-crushing tough. So, here’s a two-step method that can hopefully help all mothers better handle this year and help keep pandemic fatigue at bay.

  • The first step is to recognize that we are all in the same boat. No one, and I mean, NO ONE has been spared. Presidents, CEOs, movie stars, billionaires, from top to bottom, and across the board….literally, everyone is experiencing this in some way or another.

Knowing this sometimes doesn’t make it less challenging, but it allows for some context. Context gives us perspective, and perspective allows us some space to take stock of our situation. Hopefully, it makes us realize that it could be worse. Or at least, it’s not as bad as others have it.

  • The next step is to do a Eulogy Exercise.

Here’s how: write a letter to yourself listing all the things, projects, dreams, expectations, and hopes you had for yourself this year. It can go something like this:

Dear me,

I was really hoping this year had allowed me to do x. I would have liked to be doing y by June. And that I was enjoying z already.

Write it all down. Hold a vigil for the version of you that would be accomplishing certain things and having a specific life this year. Mourn it. Get sad, get angry, get all the rainbow’s emotions, and burn the letter or bury it.

Saying goodbye and releasing the expectations of who we were supposed to be by now allows space_ vast, mental, and emotional space needed to show up differently.

It’s not how we pictured it. It’s not how we wanted it… it’s just, well,  different. Allow what may come.

As long as we are focused on what isn’t, we are not allowing what is.

Like Byron Katie says, “When I argue with reality, I lose __ but only 100% of the time”.

Powerful Mindset Tactic Two

As I mentioned earlier, the “best decision-making” pixie dust runs out daily.

Decision fatigue was first coined by social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister, who identified it as the emotional and mental strain resulting from a burden of choices. 

When your mental energy is depleted, you either start making bad decisions or stop making decisions altogether.

Now I understand why Primetime in my house runs amok most of the time! 

I’m just too tired to bother. 

As parents, we are still making the thousands of decisions we were already making pre-pandemicPLUS thousands of new ones we are given daily to think about.

Homeschooling. Job stability. Healthcare. The economy. COVID-19. 

And that’s just for starters.

Then we have the other laundry list of decisions and outcomes to think about.

The effects of too much screentime. How to juggle Zoom meetings and household chores. Can the kids see their grandparents? Finding ways to entertain the little ones. What’s for dinner.

Bath time.

Bedtime.

Primetime.

So this mindset tactic is all about KISS.

K eep

I t

S imple

S tupid

  • Write down your top decisions and priorities for the day and tackle them at the beginning of the day when your pixie dust basket is filled up. This might require a bit of detective work, but in the end, you will be able to pinpoint what needless decision-making we can cut down on and live without.
  • Automation can help too. Besides meal prepping, what other things can you already establish before-hand, so you don’t have to spend time thinking about them? What to wear is a big one for us women. Try out having a uniform of sorts for the week. (Most of my clothes are black, for example. It’s a no-brainer getting dressed). Same for snacks. If I let my kids decide what snack they want every day, it would become an exercise in frustration. So snacks for the week are pre-planned.
  • Finally,  examine your rules. Especially the ones at home and with regards to your children. What do rules and decision fatigue have to do with one another? Well, living with kids means that sometimes rules are meant to be broken. Or at least to be violently shaken every so often to determine how robust they are. (By the kids, that is). It’s a bit like: “Is this thing still working?” Yank, yank. “Okay, seems like it’s not budging. Let me try this other one.”

Rules mean enforcement. And coming up with ways to enforce rules is tiring! The more rules we have, the more enforcing we need, so more decisions need to be made. And in no time, your pixie dust is gone sometimes before it’s even 9 am.

Understanding that we are all running on a smaller mental and emotional bandwidth allows for prioritizing what’s essential and non-negotiable from what isn’t.

And allowing yourself some grace about where the line is drawn is also crucial. This is where taking a stand about mom guilt comes in.

We are all doing the best we can with what we have and what we know.

Let. It. Go.

If no screen time on weekdays is your non-negotiable rule, and you have to go into a full-on enforcement mode about it, then do it. And let it go.

Because many times, we do it, and then we’re secretly wondering whether we should have been more flexible or if we are being too harsh. Then we go down a rabbit hole chasing a rabbit that we will never catch.

Go over your rules, trim out the fat, and take a stand with your non-negotiable ones. Drop the guilt when you enforce.

Rinse and repeat.

Powerful Mindset Tactic Three

Do you know what you’re doing? says me to myself about a gazillion times a day.

Nope, I don’t, says me to myself in reply.

Does it sometimes feel like everyone seems to have it together, and you’re the only one scotch-taping your way through life? Or using double-sided tape, for that matter? Welcome to the club.

According to studies, the good news is that we’re in good company because 70% of people feel this way. That means seven of your ten best gal pals are also using glue guns to keep their life afloat.

Of course, that doesn’t make these thoughts go away. But it has led me down a path of exploration about how this impostor syndrome works and how as moms, we can find ways to minimize it.

(I mean, if Michelle Obama, Beyonce, JLo, and Maya Angelou all feel this way in the present day, who are we kidding? We’re not going to get rid of it completely!)

So why do we feel we’re phonies?

The easy answer would be that there are norms and rules in society that we all must follow if we want to feel accepted. This social acceptance is not a self-esteem issue as it is a survival mechanism dating back to our ancestors. We had to be part of the tribe to survive back in the cave days. Living by the rules and living up to expectations pretty much kept us alive. 

However, this was needed for survival eons ago. Can we all agree that many present-day expectations are unreasonable and unreal???? Especially when it applies to us women and most especially when it applies to us mothers????

Ufff! The laundry list of what we need to do, be, look like, think, achieve, etc is overwhelmingly long. And when it comes to our kids, it all ends up reflected on ourselves, for better or for worse.

Sadly, motherhood has become extremely polarising. Natural birth vs. C-section. Breastfeeding vs. formula. Co-sleeping vs. sleeping separately. Disposable diapers vs. clothes diapers. And that’s just during the first week of being a mom!

Um. Insanity is what this is.

But somehow, we accept it. And then we do the craziest thing_ we try to actually live up to these expectations.

And so, we suffer in silence, sometimes putting on a brave face that all is well, while we’re really feeling lonely and incompetent because, behind closed doors, reality is crumbling all around us.

Here’s a two-step process to send this nasty impostor syndrome packing.

  • Recruit a small group of besties that you have on speed dial or even set up a group chat on your phone. You can call them the Myth Busters, the Rescue Angels, or Fearless Boss Moms. The name is not relevant. The point is that you can depend on these friends to have your back in those moments when you feel in the impostor syndrome funk.

Tell them in advance that their mission, if they so accept it, is to immediately jump in to remind you what a great ____ (fill in the blank) you are the moment you feel you’re drowning in a sea of doubt.

You gain two powerful things from this. By verbalizing it, you take away the power.

Has it ever happened to you that it sounds pretty real in your head, but when you say it out loud, it loses its strength? Voicing our fears and concerns helps put them into context.

And also, your besties may reply with tales of their own woes and struggles. Remember, many of them are also using metaphorical glue in their lives.

By uplifting each other, you’re able to better navigate these challenging times. There IS strength in numbers.

Knowing that someone else is going through something similar brings you back into keeping things within context and not going overboard with your thoughts. Knowing that someone has your back helps you feel like you can tackle whatever life is throwing your way.

The added bonus is that you also strengthen the bond with your besties making the friendship and connection that much more cherished.

  • Now on to the fun part. Put on a mask. (I know, within the context of 2021, this needs clarification). A fun mask. Take on a new persona. Reach out for a version of yourself that can face and handle the situation you have doubts and insecurities about. This persona allows us to be whomever we want to be.

In other words, get an Alter Ego. Or an Alter Diva.

After all, Beyonce has Sasha Fierce. Stefani Germanotta becomes Lady Gaga. Jennifer Lopez turns into JLo. Mariah Carey gets to be Mimi.

If you feel like you are struggling and incapable of doing certain things, allow your Alter Diva to take over and let her do it.

This is not about playing pretend or being inauthentic. It’s about finding the essence within you that can tackle the mental (and made up) limitations we have about ourselves.

Our Alter Ego or Diva helps us improve whatever aspect of our lives we find challenging to handle.

Ask yourself: “what is the biggest area of frustration for me right now? Who do I most want to become to help me successfully handle this?” Be as specific as possible. What is that state that you can’t seem to access? 

And then get specific about how do you most want to be showing up.

We often know how we need to be and what needs to be done, but we encounter inner resistance. This is where your Alter Ego (or Diva) becomes the connection between you in the present moment and the type of person you want to show up as.

Ready to have some fun? Find out your Alter Diva name below and then invoke it like the Bat-signal in the moments where you’re doubting yourself!

Share with me below the name for your inspirational persona, and I will share mine!

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stretching-theory/201809/how-many-decisions-do-we-make-each-day

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High on Love- How to Enjoy this Valentine’s Day as a Mom

Clinically reviewed by Desiree Bonau, Metaphysical & Clinical Aromatherapist and Holistic Wellness Guide

What can be more cliched than roses and chocolate on Valentine’s Day? Probably those teddy bears with big red ribbons around their necks and heart-shaped cards. Valentine’s day can be considered the obnoxiously popular older sibling who everyone loves to hate. 

For most of us currently surviving a global pandemic in its second year running, this holiday might be too over-hyped and irrelevant to even keep in our calendars. 

Yet, hidden in the shadows of February 14 are two dates that should get all the spotlight this year (and beyond!) because they genuinely provide the substance, perspective, and fuel to our crazy lives. Cue in Self-love Day (February 13) and Random Acts of Kindness Day (Valentine’s Day’s fraternal and lesser-known twin). 

So, I’m keen to explore what self-love and random acts of kindness have to do with us, mothers, our energy, and the time context we’re living in at the moment. Funny enough, the way it all ties in together, is… with roses. Sort of. (That’s a cringe, right?)

Please, just bear with me as I explore a fascinating take on this Valentine’s staple flower and the way it can work wonders for mothers everywhere.

STOP AND SMELL THE ROSE OIL

I was an oily virgin for the better part of my life until (coincidence!) about February of last year when an oily friend and now oily mentor came to my rescue when I was going through some very dark times in my life. You know which ones_ the ones where you and your children all end up crying on the kitchen floor out of frustration and overwhelm. 

I was amazed at the instantaneous effects her suggested oils had on me and my little ones (thank you, dear friend- for this, I am forever grateful). 

And then I became intrigued. That’s how I began my exploration of the Essential Oils universe and came across what could be considered the mythical unicorn of the oily world. 

Rose Oil. 

Or as it is known, the Immortal One. It is truly the Crown Jewel of any oiler collection because this oil, just like diamonds, never decays. Like wine, it becomes better with each passing year, and as the majestic flower it comes from, it has the same symbolism of beauty, love, and regality.

It is also eye-watering expensive, as rose oil is said to be the queen of essential oils. 

A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME…

So what makes it so unique and extravagant? 

And what does it have to do with uplifting your energy as a busy, always-on-the-go, have-a-million-things-to-do, don’t-have-time, where-are-my-keys type of mom?

Firstly, its extraction and production methods are incredibly labor-intensive and highly selective.  Despite the hundreds of rose varieties on the planet, only three types are distilled for their essential oil use. These are:

· French Rose – Rosa gallica

· Cabbage Rose – Rosa centifolia

· Damask Rose – Rosa damascene

Most of the rose oil produced in France uses solvents to extract the oil from the rose, so it wouldn’t be advisable to put that on our body. Unfortunately, this method is also the cheapest, so many companies will use it commercially, especially in the perfume industry. Hence the importance of doing proper research about the Essentials Oils that you buy and consume, always making sure they are Therapeutic Grade.

The Damask Rose is the variety that produces the highest quality essential oil, also known as “Rose Otto.” This species is primarily grown in Bulgary because it is one of the few countries – along with Turkey- that can produce enough roses to make the oil. About one million petals (that’s a one with six zeroes after it) yields 1 kg of rose oil. The method to extract rose otto is a two-part process and is very costly.

The company I choose to get my oily treasures from is genuinely ethical. This business prioritizes sustainability; pledges for zero waste (which is a great bonus!); and produces its essential oils with NO chemicals whatsoever and no added carriers or alcohol – meaning your bottle consists of 100% roses. Now you start to understand why this oil is so exquisite and expensive. (And for me, that’s worth every penny!).

This oil is so sought-after because it is one of two essential oils with the highest frequency in nature. The simple act of wearing it, diffusing it, inhaling it, or simply having it near you (mind-blowing!) can raise your body frequency and maintain a healthy level of wellness.

…YOUR LOVE KEEPS LIFTING ME (HIGHER)…

Now for the fun part.

In my budding knowledge about essential oils and how to harness them for maintaining wellness in my life as a busy mom, this was the part that blew my mind! And that’s why I want to share it with all other fellow moms in celebration of Self-Love Day. Because having a bottle of this magnificent oil is truly an expression of self-love on so many levels.

Everything in the Universe has a unique frequency- which is another word for vibration. Because everything is made ultimately of energy, we can accept that everything has a vibrational frequency. In turn, everything in our surroundings can directly impact our body frequency.

The typical human body vibrates at around 62–72 MHz (megahertz). Different things we come in contact with can raise or lower this frequency. Did you know that our thought patterns and our behavior can influence our body frequency? For example, negative thoughts can decrease our body frequency by as much as 12 MHz, while positive thoughts can raise it by 10 MHz.

Balances emotions.

Rose oil also helps with emotional balancing. When we meditate and focus on feelings of self-love and positive energy, we begin to vibrate at a higher frequency. But because it’s not easy to think positive thoughts all the time, we can use this oil to help us. By diffusing it, drinking it, or even spraying it, this oil enhances every cell in the body, so we are not prone to illness or falling sick.

Opens up the heart chraka

Regardless of your marital status, this exuberant oil aids with opening the fourth chakra and helps awaken unconditional love, self-care, compassion, and SELF-LOVE. This powerful oil activates your unique mom energy (aka momergy), activating your loving, caring, and compassionate side as well as strengthening a deeper relationship with yourself. 

Because plants have a high frequency, essential oils impact our body by raising our frequency. Out of all the plants, rose is one of the highest vibrating objects on Earth at around 320 megahertz! This is why rose oil has a laundry list of benefits and uses with potent healing capabilities.

But don’t just take my word for it. 

May counter feelings of depression

Different clinical studies have found that rose essential oil improves depression symptoms as per this 2012 study[i] where a small group of postpartum women underwent treatment for depression. It also helps reduce anxiety, stress, and pain. 

Eases anxiety

Another study [ii] documented how over 100 women who were giving birth found that rose oil lowered their anxiety levels during delivery. Usually, when women give birth, their hormones become imbalanced. When rose oil is diffused just before birth and several days after delivery, it helps void the post-natal blues by bringing hormones and emotions back to balance. (My oily mentor confirms this too. She bounced back and felt more balanced than ever before and truly took in those baby bliss moments).

May help in that libido department.

Rose essential oil may have aphrodisiac properties when inhaled before or during intimacy. This oil helps support the circulatory system and blood flow to the nether regions (which is crucial for sex). Since it’s a very sensual and romantic scent, it also helps with feelings of arousal. If baby-making is in your plans, applying it on the bikini line and the lower back also helps with fertility. 

Directions for Drinking: Add a toothpick swirl (yes, just dipping a toothpick in the oil then swirling it through your water) in a one-liter glass bottle of water and keep refilling the water throughout the day. Even after several refills, the rose oil molecules are still there, supercharging the water. You can also add a drop but split it amongst 2-3 liter bottles of water if that’s easier.

Directions for Spraying it: You can take the above drinking water and fill a spray bottle. Keep it in your bag and spray anytime throughout the day on your face and body. Rose essential oil helps open the heart chakra and has one of the highest spiritual frequencies of all essential oils. 

Directions for Diffusing: Fill up your diffuser to the recommended water level with purified water and add 1-2 drops of rose oil. Enjoy the rose-filled scent!

If I can help convey one central idea about this post, is this: we can only help others by helping ourselves first. This is the proverbial “put on your oxygen mask before helping others.”  We can’t show up fully into our motherhood journey without self-love and compassion for ourselves.

COME UP SMELLING OF ROSES

The whole topic of body frequency and its effect on wellness and wellbeing is a large topic to cover in this post. Taking some essential points with you will help you better harness your energy, especially during trying times. 

Many parts of last year are still very much present now. Many of us are continuing to face lots of challenges and difficult situations. Worry, anxiety, stress, and negative thoughts are very much present in our lives and the lives of our loved ones. While we can’t shield ourselves entirely from experiencing these thoughts or emotions, we can be conscious about how we can offset their debilitating effect on us and our bodies. Disturbing news and negative thoughts make our body frequency drop. The more it drops, the higher the chances we might get sick. Disease starts when our frequency drops to below 62 MHz. 

A few drops of essential oils, and most notably, rose essential oil, on the crown of the head a few times a day can help us maintain a high frequency.

D. Gary Young, pioneer and expert in the essential oils industry explained the science behind this in his 1988 book The Missing Link. He wrote: “The difference between oil frequency and the frequency of light (or television, or telephone, or microwave), are these electrical AC frequencies are incoherent, chaotic frequencies. They fracture the human electrical field. Essential oils, on the other hand, have a coherent, harmonic, DC frequency. So they are harmonious with the electrical field of the human body.”

Even though rose essential oil sounds almost mythical in all its benefits and properties, there is nothing complex about how to use it to reap its benefits. There are no ‘special’ instructions. You can simply diffuse it, apply it topically, inhale it using your hands and even use it in your DIY projects.

ROSES ARE RED…

Whether you’re getting started on your motherhood journey or are already a seasoned veteran, being a mother is a journey in self-discovery that never fully ends. But particularly, at this time in history, it’s important to allow yourself to celebrate YOU (whether it’s this February 13, 14, any other day of the week, month, or during the whole year). 

Perform a random act of kindness for yourself. These random acts are not necessarily only towards others ; we also need to start with ourselves.

Ask yourself to be your Valentine.

As moms, we tend to be the last ones on our list. Let’s switch it up. Treat yourself to a little something or splurge on yourself this one time for a change. Even going for a walk in nature or taking some minutes to meditate are acts of kindness that fill our mothers’ cup. 

This Valentine’s day, let’s celebrate our feminine energy and the sisterhood we all belong to by delivering random acts of kindness to ourselves and others. And kudos to all moms who are showing up fully in this wonderful journey!

As a token of appreciation, celebration, and support, I would like to gift YOU with a Happy Hormone Guide using Essential Oils to help keep your hormonal and adrenal system balanced and in good shape. Happy Self-Love Day, mama!

P.S. Forget the expensive champagne and strawberries. And forgo the romantic dinner with oysters and chocolate lava cake. Would you like to truly treat yourself and splurge on your own bottle of the coveted Rose Essential Oil? Click here.

[i] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22789792/

[ii] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4270653/

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Move over Coffee, why Ceremonial Matcha is the Best Energy Booster for Moms

Ceremonial Matcha

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. Mothers are continuously required to handle high levels of stress. Taking care of little ones means that mentally and physically, they have to be vigilant 24/7. Motherhood has no commercial breaks, no holidays, no vacations, and basically, no “off” button. Stamina and endurance are essential to keeping some sanity intact.

But how do we achieve that stamina? The proverbial saying, “You can only pour from a full cup,” aptly applies to all mothers. And if that cup is full of Ceremonial Matcha even better. Because in the world of superfoods, Matcha could certainly be king.

As mothers, we continually lack either time or energy (and most times, both). As an energy-boosting super food, Matcha is the perfect complement to motherhood. It can help us reclaim our unique mom energy (aka ‘momergy’) and fully pour our love, care, and support from a full cup.

So how can moms successfully harness the power of Ceremonial Matcha to better navigate life as a mother? Here are 3 ways this amazing green elixir will supercharge you.

Matcha energy boost

Matcha helps with better sleep cycles. 

Sleep is the first thing that goes out the window during most of those early years of motherhood. It is not that it is entirely non-existent. But achieving restful, restorative, and continuous sleep becomes challenging. Those first years see us walking around like zombies, tackling the days in a haze of sleep deprivation. Our bodies and minds are continually exhausted. caffeine becomes our best friend, allowing us to soldier through those long (sleepless) nights and long demanding days.  

Caffeine in the form of coffee is one of the most popular choices. Even though coffee consumption is linked to many benefits, it may also bring about a negative cycle of disrupted sleep. When sleep DOES happen, it fails to achieve the deep sleep stages that bring restorative rest. Also, coffee consumption very rarely comes in moderate amounts. The recommended daily amount for caffeine is between 300-400mg for a healthy adult with no medical issues.[1] (This amount can vary according to a person’s body weight).

With higher use comes an increased tolerance for caffeine, so more of it is gradually needed to get the same energy-boosting effects. The average coffee cup bought from any establishment has around 70mg to 185mg, so it is easy to see how quickly one can consume above the recommended daily limit enjoying a coffee while out and about.

By comparison, Matcha’s unique combination of Caffeine and L-theanine make it a compelling choice for mothers over coffee. As stated previously, caffeine in and of itself has several benefits.

For example, the U.S. Navy Seals are considered one of the most elite forces in the Army. They must pass some of the most rigorous training on the planet to earn the coveted title. Studies have used these soldiers as subjects in analyzing the effects of caffeine during exposure to severe levels of stress and sleep deprivation, among other factors. 

These studies have concluded that even in the most adverse circumstances, moderate doses of caffeine can improve cognitive function, including vigilance, learning, memory, and mood state.[2]

Unfortunately, coffee also displays some adverse effects that for an already over-taxed mother, might create a downward spiral of energy. Increased anxiety, high blood pressure, and the jitters are some of these undesired side effects from coffee. And if more than the suggested amount is consumed and done at non-optimal times, it can also lead to sleep problems, gut health issues, and other factors.

L-theanine is an amino acid that is known to slow down the release of caffeine into the body. And this is where the energy-boosting magic happens.

Cup of ceremonial matcha

When L-theanine and caffeine come together as they do in Matcha, they help promote what is known as ‘calm alertness.’ L-theanine inhibits and moderates caffeine’s harmful effects (the ‘jitters,’ high blood pressure, and anxiety) while enhancing some of the benefits like cognitive performance. One serving of Matcha is about ½ tsp, which has around 35mg of Caffeine, which is well below the recommended daily limit. The caffeine in Matcha usually lasts about 4-6 hours in the body because the L-theanine helps release it slowly into the bloodstream. So enjoying two to three cups daily, ideally, before 2pm, will most likely not interfere with sleep.

By regularly consuming Matcha, mothers (and anyone for that matter) can reap the following benefits: increased attention and focus, staying focused when switching tasks, improving reaction times and working memory, and reducing errors. Plus, a growing body of research indicates that L-theanine and caffeine can have positive, uplifting effects on mood.

Matcha helps fight diseases and boosts brainpower.

Matcha is also an antioxidant powerhouse. Antioxidants help our body’s cells by limiting free radical damage, leading to oxidative stress and inflammation. And these are not just any antioxidants; they are a specific type of polyphenol compounds called catechins. Matcha is high in a particular type of catechin called epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG), which helps the body fight cancer[3], prevent heart disease, and type 2 diabetes. These are three of the top ten leading causes of death in the U.S.[4], so it is not an insignificant benefit.

Matcha is also an alkalizing food, whereas coffee is acidic. One of the secrets behind increased energy levels is in what we eat daily. Therefore, it is essential to focus on eating nutrient-dense foods that are also alkaline. Plus, the Matcha plants (Camellia sinesis) are grown covered for several weeks of their growth cycle to increase chlorophyll production. Because chlorophyll is chemically similar to hemoglobin- an essential protein in red blood cells- it helps carry oxygen supply to the body’s tissues. 

Woman drinking matcha

And that dreaded ‘mommy brain’ that many consider science fiction? It is real and backed by science. Early studies suggest that EGCG from Matcha may improve the brain’s neurological cell function and prevent brain degeneration. Regular consumption of Matcha also has relaxing effects on the brain by increasing serotonin, GABA, and dopamine levels. It also raises the brain’s alpha frequency. This alpha state is a brain wave pattern of 9 to 12 cycles per second and is described as being relaxed and peaceful. Many mothers would be on board cruising through their days this way. 

Matcha helps with energy and weight loss.

“I’m exhausted” has seemed to become the de facto slogan for motherhood. Most mothers are so drained that even a quick workout is too much to try to attempt. The good news for anyone who needs a boost and most especially for moms lies in Matcha’s thermogenic properties, which help rev up the body’s metabolism. 

Thanks to its unique EGCG catechins, Matcha helps increase the body’s heat and energy levels between 35-43% than usual[5]. In addition to L-theanine and caffeine’s magic combo described above, one single cup of Matcha can keep you alert, calm, and focused anywhere from three to six hours due to its sustained energy boost throughout the day.

As a bonus for anyone who has weight loss as a goal, consuming Matcha before exercising can help the body burn more calories- up to four times more per workout session. Just one serving of Matcha is sure to boost energy and provide endurance. Matcha has virtually zero calories making it the ultimate “energy drink.” Regularly incorporating Matcha into any workout routine allows for better muscle toning and fat burning. Ideally, Matcha should be consumed 2-3 times daily, and one serving should be 30 minutes before a workout.  

By consuming Matcha before working out, mothers can reap the benefit of raising endorphin levels, increasing and sustaining energy for several hours, while maintaining overall alertness and enjoying an enhanced mood.

Further, consuming Matcha post-workout – with a little coconut water and protein if you wish, can aid in hydration and recovery after exercise.  

Ceremonial Matcha is Best

Not all Matcha is created equal. Ceremonial grade Matcha is the finest quality and the best type to consume. It should also be organic or pesticide free. Matcha that is not organic or pesticide free might be full of heavy metals, radiation, pesticides and other harmful chemicals due to its farming techniques.

The best way to go about choosing Ceremonial grade Matcha is to determine the authenticity of the tea. Blissful Life Co, for example, who works directly with local Japanese farms, is the best bet. They can ensure that every step of the production process is reliable and rigorous to guarantee purity. Making sure that the origin is from Japan is essential. The Matcha also has to be shade-grown, stone-ground to achieve its powder state, and use exclusively tencha tea leaves.

Tencha leaves

Even though some people are afraid of Matcha’s caffeine content, many other products contain similar caffeine, like tea, energy drinks, and chocolate. The difference is that Matcha is far superior as an antioxidant powerhouse and is healthier than other caffeinated beverages.   This is because it contains the highest amount of antioxidants (EGCG) as the entire tea leaf is used, resulting in more significant antioxidant content compared to other caffeinated drinks.

Accordingly, it purifies the body and leaves it free from any impurity that makes the body feel sluggish or weak. 

For pregnant or breastfeeding moms, Matcha’s 35-70mg caffeine levels per cup are below the 200mg daily limit allowed (especially for pregnant women). By keeping it to one cup a day, mothers can still reap many benefits from this potent drink. *

If, as a mom, you feel your “cup is empty,” serve yourself a cup of this incredible superfood. Start harnessing the fantastic benefits of Matcha to up-lift your motherhood journey and fully enjoy the ride. Someone once said, “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy Matcha, and that’s kind of the same thing.” 

We couldn’t agree more.  

*Please consult with your doctor or primary physician first.

[5] As per a study reported in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, consuming matcha tea can increase thermogenesis (the body’s own rate of burning calories) from a normal 8%-10% of daily energy expenditure, to between 35% and 43% of daily energy expediture.

[4] file:///C:/Users/User/Downloads/ijms-21-01744.pdf

[3] https://www.proclinical.com/blogs/2017-5/the-leading-causes-of-death-in-the-world-can-they-be-cured

[2] Psychopharmacology (Berl)  2002 Nov;164(3):250-61. doi: 10.1007/s00213-002-1217-9. Epub 2002 Sep 5. (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12424548/)

[1] 1. Heckman, M. A., Weil, J. and De Mejia, E. G. (2010), Caffeine (1, 3, 7-trimethylxanthine) in Foods: A Comprehensive Review on Consumption, Functionality, Safety, and Regulatory Matters. Journal of Food Science, 75: R77–R87. doi: 10.1111/j.1750-3841.2010.01561.x Link